You can have all this world/Just give me Jesus

Today I woke up at 5:30 am which normally I'd be rather pissed about, but I went to bed at like 10:30 last night. The plan was I'll be in bed by 9:30 because I needed to catch up on some serious sleep. So after class I jetted to the store to pick up some thangs and then home to watch Grey's Anatomy. I was 15 minutes late!!! ughhh!! But Sophie came to the rescue and caught me up on what I'd missed. Ok...last week Grey's was the freaking worst, but they have been redeemed. So I watched it over the phone with Sophie and at 9 I planned on getting ready for bed. THEN the preview for Private Practice looked the bomb (some crazy woman cut open this other women to steal her unborn baby) so me and Soph were like..."dangit...I guess we'll be watching this too."

Okay, so about 10:30 I said goodnight to the correspondences I'd been keeping and shut out the world. I had the craziest dream!! You know what...I've had that dream twice now, but they've differed just a bit. I'm talking to the same woman about the same thing, only this one was longer and the conversation covered a bit more. hmm....

I woke up at 5:30 like I said, got up at 6:07, left the house at 6:30, was 4 minutes late to work, and felt on top of the world. Why you might ask? Well let me tell you. I heard one of my favorite songs on the way to work. It's called Jesus by Jeremy Camp. If you have not heard it...you need to. It's crazy simply, not a lot of words, not a lot of chords, but it says so much. The whole song is about how you can have anything I have, EVERYTHING I have....just give me Jesus.

When I'm lonely, give me Jesus

When I die, give me Jesus

Man this song is so deep and simple at the same time. This is something I believe every Christian needs to learn and understand. I believe God takes us through soooo much just so we can get this one point. The world is crazy, and it can offer us a lot of things. Let's be real. The church is always talking about how the world has nothing to offer and this and that, but you know what...the world be looking reeeaalll attractive sometimes. I mean all of the "right now" comforts the world can and will give you if you would only compromise your relationship with God. Not your whole relationship, just parts of it. Is that not how we think?

"well, I'll do this, but I won't do that" but you know "this" ain't no different than "that."

But this simple song is just saying keep eeeeverything this world has to offer. GIVE ME JESUS!! Now if this song is not a declaration of an uncompromising heart...!

Today I am so thrilled just to be living right alongside my living savior. So many people don't know Jesus as their savior. The other day I was talking to a family member back home who out of pure disrespect for me and God proceeded to tell me how this "God mess" is purely for money making purposes, which might I add he is taking full advantage of. First off that made me mad. I was offended dangit!! But I didn't really react. I didn't say much of anything after that. That was probably a great time to minister, but I didn't. After my defensiveness subsided all I could feel was compassion for this individual. He did not know God. So when he is alone, he is really alone. And when he is sick, he is really sick because he doesn't know that Jesus is a comforter and a healer. To him, Jesus is a paycheck. To so many Jesus is a paycheck. A way to take advantage of unfortunate individuals who are looking for a solution for their pain and frustration that has yet to be found.

So even though that is sooo freakin sad, that so many don't actually who God is and what He did for us, it makes me so much more enthused that I do! I am learning who God is more and more everyday, and I wouldn't change that for the world. Distractions come. Drama comes. Pain and frustration come. But its all just a ploy to get us to take our eyes and our hearts away from learning of God. But at the end of the day man...you can take all that drama and frustration. You can even takes all the money and fame in the world, give me my Jesus, who after everything falls ways and no one is left standing by your side, He's still there.

You can have all this world/Give me Jesus

~~~~~~~~~~~

On another note, what the heck am I gonna do with my life?? LOL I mean ok...recently I've been looking into working for a holistic health care company. If I do get the job I'll be traveling, A LOT, and make a wonderful salary. OR I could pursue music, which is my lifelong passion. Actually not just music, but worship through music. OR I could take the route of academia and work my way up the ladder of professing professionals. UGH!! Can't I just do it all??! I mean who the heck said you had to pick something and stick to only that. I'm not interested in doing the same thing for the rest of my life. PLUS with this economy, it sounds like a great idea to have interests in several different areas that produce some kind of income. SO, because I can't decide, I won't decide. If I get the job in holistic health care I'll do that and make some greenery. If I continue to write, sing, and play, I'll do that too. And I'll obviously continue in school. So yea, why decide when you don't have to??

BTW I took a test on Monday, Tuesday, and I have one next week too. This is starting to get real. UGH I hate when school gets real. Can't we just sit and listen to each other and learn about the different schools of thought with having to reiterate them on paper??? Well our education system says no, so on that note, I really need to read.

Peaces!!

~A

Rain...what rain?

Alright. Never in my life have I seen so much rain. I'm from Iowa, and we don't get this. I've been down here for 4 years. TENNESSEE don't get this! WTH?!! Who was that in the bible that told the rain to stop, and it did? Jacob maybe? Well where is Jacob? But if it wasn't raining we'd be complaining about a drought so.....

Yesterday, Friday, was a really really good day. It's been a while since I've had a really really good day. I was sooo tired. I had to be at work at some ungodly hour (if the sun ain't up yet, the hour is ungodly okay? Remember that right there). The night before I was chillin with Sophie, talkin and watchin Grey's Anatomy (which was a HUGE disappointment) till like...IDK, too late cuz we BOTH had to work the next morn.

Ok, hold up. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy? Well I'm an avid fan and as a fan I must be honest. This two-hour season premiere was awful. It kicked rock after rock after rock after rock....(not crack rock...cuz crack is cheap...me and bobby's babaaayy;). MAN...I couldn't believe it. Me and Sophie were waiting forEV to see this premiere and entire time we were like....what???! What the hell is this mess?? I don't know about her, but I was pissed.

*Sorry, I had to let that out.*

Anyway, I had to work a full day on Friday and I was so tired. Let me tell you how my week was prior to that. Wednesday I had work 3-11, and then Thursday...whhewww Jesus Thursday I had to be at work at 6am to 11am, then the counseling office at 11:30 to 4p, then class from 5-7:30p. THEN I finally took a breath, and jetted to the house tryna beat Soph there. So after all that, we chilled for a while, THEN I had to get up for work the next morn. The way it would look, my entire week would create a horrible Friday. It rained non stop, I was tired, I need to study. Let me tell you what happened on Friday right?

I got up. I showered. I got dressed. I got my stuff together. I walked out the door. I got in my truck. I saw my check engine light come on....nooo Jesus nooooo. I began the drive to work. Then I decided, you know what? I've had too many bad days. Since my bday (maybe before) I have not been happy at all. Where is my joy man? I'm that person who is always happy for no reason. Nope, not as of lately. SO Friday when I was driving to work (in the rain) I smiled. I KNOW I looked extra crazy, but I just smiled and began to thank God for how awesome He is. I believe He just waits for moments like these....when we realize that no matter what's going on, God is still God.

It can be sooo hard to remember this sometimes when bills are piling up and the money is not coming in. When school is getting on your nerves. When people stretch your faith. When family is actin a fool. When the enemy plays games with your mind. Through all that, I can't lie, it's hard to remember God is God because everything else is so up in your face.

But that Friday morning in my truck I remembered. God's beauty is reflected everywhere, and I refused to go through this day without taking notice. My spirit lifted at THAT moment. My heaviness lifted and my heart was full of joy. I had literally forgotten what it was like to be happy for no real reason. To have joy. I almost always (I'm stressing the "almost" here) have a smile on my face. I can always find the silver lining. ALWAYS. But lately, that old bug of depression that darkened my adolescent years began to creep in and days just got darker and darker. I stopped that crap in it's tracks. I've gone through too much and come out cleaner than when I went in to go back there. God has brought me out of such despair, that I would be doing Him or me no service by going back. I never again want to see the inside of a hospital room because I couldn't find a reason to see tomorrow.

My days will be bright and I will notice the beauty of God, even when it's hard to see.

One thing that I love to do is write. I wrote a simple worship song yesterday. It's about coming back to God. You know after you've foolishly taken a little break from devotion and time spent with Him, and you come back with a sincere heart and broken spirit? And in coming back you realize God never went anywhere, but waiting patiently on you to return to Him? Yup, that's what it's about. I've written songs in the meantime, but this one is different. This one doesn't "sound good." This one is real. This is sumn like a declaration for me.

"I hate to say it/but it's true/my heart has turned from you/But you stayed with me/But you covered me/But you kept me/But you waited for me/So I say thank you Lord"

So friends, what do you see that's beautiful about God today? Through all of this rain...what is He growing and cultivating in you? Around you? With you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God has given me tremendous favor. I have the amazing opportunity to work with the youth choir at Born Again. Now for a long time, I didn't even KNOW there was a youth choir. I guess because they sing downstairs during service. I LOVE IT!!!

One thing that touches the deepest part of my heart is when I see young people worshiping God. When I say young people, I mean 14-19. This is the age where the enemy will do his best to take you out. He pulls out all the stops. Why do you think teen suicide rates are higher than ever and our youth is sooo lost in the craziness of life? I love the kiddies (12/13 and under), but these teens have my heart. They go through so much and battle so much, and they usually do it alone because the world and the church underestimate what they have to face. When they can lift their hands and tell God thank you....I'm bout to cry right now. I love it. the desperation for Him. The child-like heart that needs Him. I love it.

So we are traveling to Dyersburg (the big city...lol whit) on Sunday to sing. I am so new to this choir (I don't even know everybody's name) but somehow, in a period of like 3 weeks, I went from being a visiter to really being involved. IDK how, but I love it. I was content with just supporting them. But it is so great to stand with them and worship God with them. So needless to say I'm super pumped for Dyersburg. I'm super pumped for just rehearsal. Thank you God for the chance to love you with the young folk. You KNOW I needed this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have this song stuck in my head man. You know it. I believe it's called for your glory. "For your glory/I would do anything/Just to see you/To behold you as my King/I wanna be where you are/I gotta be where you are"

Man, I was listenin to this yesterday and straight fell into worship. These are some powerful words. I GOTTA be where you are. I'd do ANYTHING for your glory!

This is gonna be in my head for a minute...

~~~~~~~~~~~

School. I fear it will never end. I fear that I will get so sick of it that I'll quit. I fear that I'll get tired of accruing loans. UGHH!! Shoot I'm already tired. But it's like...I've already started. I'm halfway. I've started my Master's, I'll be done in a year. And time-wise, starting my doctorate will be downhill. But you know...everyday I'm convinced that I'm gonna take a little break. I gotta get out for a while

God...where should we go?

I love ya!!!

9.19.09

I haven't blogged in a couple weeks. Actually I shut down my blog for a couple weeks. I've been kinda going through this thing where I really did not want people in my business. It was really crazy cuz like, for the most part, the people that read my blogs are my friends, and I didn't even want them to be able to read my blogs anymore. SO I was like...forget it, i'm deletin this crap.

*Isn't is crazy how you allow the enemy to play tricks on your mind, lead you to isolate yourself, and then divide up what you and God have built?? But then again that is his job...so what else would he be doing. I hate the devil! DEVIL YOU SUCK...KICK ROCKS*

But I couldn't delete it. I felt like I'd be losing something if I deleted it, so instead I'm changing it. My blogs have become too personal. I'm not comfortable anymore sharing details of my personal life where all can see and judge. I'll save that for my personal journal. This blog is now about school...and God.

~~~~~

So Lipscomb right? I've been talking to current Lipscomb students about school and many of them have some serious complaints. The first one being "its too expense!" I look at it this way. It's all an investment. If you didn't think it was worth it, you wouldn't be here. My experiences thus far with Lipscomb have been excellent. Not only are our minds pushed to be cultivated and exposed to different schools of thought, but our spirits are being built right along side it. It is not uncommon for a professor to add to a point about the nature of man and find support for it in the bible, as well as the text book. Y'all, science does not disprove God, but it shows Him strong and orderly.

I am expecting to graduate with a Master's in Counseling in December of 2010. That is a whole year and some from now, and at the moment, it seems like a long time, although I know it really isn't. I'm sure there will be plenty of the good and the bad issues of life and of the heart to fill the time in between. After graduation I plan to apply to a Ph.D. program (again), choose deferred enrollment, and take a break from the USA for a bit. I have two options, both of which would take me across the world for a while. I have plently of time to work it out, so I'm starting now so when the time comes I'll have no reason to stay (unless BLU21 blows up!! Funny right? Not really.) After my stint overseas, IF I decide to come back to the states, I'll begin working as a counselor and working toward my Ph.D. Yup, Dr. Crawford is about to become real official....in like 5 years LOL

So that's the plan, but Lord knows a person's plan can change. I was accepted into a Ph.D. program a few months ago and even traveled to the school for a tour and to meet the faculty. I chilled at their houses and really got to know them. Then I realized something; this wasn't the path God had for me at the time. That was my "fast track to a paycheck" plan. I'd be getting paid crazy cash to go to school for a degree that would put me in the way of more crazy cash. But I'd be missing all of the developmental stages in between that God means for me to experience and grow from. So I put the fast track plan aside, and said "ok God...I PRAY that this is you I hear. I won't go...not without you."


*I just realized something. I can't talk about God without being at least a little personal. But trust me when I say "a little."*

~~~~~~~~

Father, I am so grateful for the people you've placed in my life. EACH person. And the enemy will get no victory in those relationships, but your purpose will be fulfilled, we will have the victory, and You will have the glory. I am grateful for the opportunities you have given me. I am grateful that your blessings add fuel to my hope for the future. I am grateful for the trials that prove my faith.

I haven't done this is a while but the words of the day are....grateful and virtue.

Grateful: warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness
Virtue: excellence; goodness; righteousness

Matthew 5: 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect


~Anjelica~

I'm at work..."working," so I decided to blog...

BLU21!!!

Ok...so I haven't written a blog about Blu21 in quite some time. Well here's one.

We've been playing at churches in neighboring towns, birthday parties, and even in random parks in Jamaica. Were we nervous for any of those....not really. I mean you have those small pre-performance jitters, but nothing too big. Well let me tell ya, I had my first case of serious performance anxiety for the first time in a REALLY long time. I know you're wondering..."Anjelica, where were you playin that caused you such anxiety? A packed arena? The White House? Some record exec's office?" No, no, and nope. Ladies and gentlemen, we played for our home church. EEKKK!

It's not like I hadn't figured that this day would come sooner or later. The leadership in the church is working to get the young adults more involved. So the day came. I got the e-mail last week..."Anjelica, we would like you and Jessica to playing during service on Sunday...etc etc etc" HOLD UP. PUMP THE FREAKIN BRAKES!!! sssssssscccccrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

Of course we said yes...yes we would love to play. But you wanna know something? Whenever I come across an opportunity that may stretch me beyond my comfort zone, I automatically want to say no, but I hurry up and say yes before I can say "no, thanks though." So there we were, about to play at the home church for the first time in just a few days. I can't really speak for Jessica, but Anjelica was scared the first day. The second day...still nervous. The third day...kinda nervous. The day before...it's whatever. We're doing it, so let just do it. We practiced late. We tried to perfect our sounds and I tried to remember the order of the words and chords. Then the day came.

We loaded our guitars in the cars, got in, and made our way to church. I prayed almost the entire time!!! lol I was like...."Lord Jesus...I'm scared. BUT Ima get up there and worship you and that's all. So please let them hear the words." And then I began to ask God, what the HECK are we gonna say. It takes a few seconds for our mics to be set up and we always need something to say during time. And neither of us ever want to talk. I was PRAYING that Jessica would have something to say...LOL, and I'm sure she was praying the same. Well..she won (??? Is that correct to say someone won, prayer against prayer? lol) Anywho...God did give me something to say. I just talked about how the song was simple, but all God wants in a pure heart that desire Him. That it doesn't matter how simple the song is, but it's what is behind those simple words that matters. Those weren't my exact words, but I can't remember them. It was a freakin blur. So it was something to that effect.

We struck the first chords. I heard Stix project extremely well (that girl don't need to guitar pick man). We were on it. Then I opened my mouth for the first words. CRACK!!! I cracked on the FIRST note. LOL SOOO EMBARRASSING. But once that happened I was like..."Lord, now this is REALLY for you cuz I do NOT want to think about what everything else is thinking!!" LMBO So I kept singing, closed my eyes, listened to the guitar sick-wit-it-ness of Stix, and dedicated every word to God.

And there you have it. We ministered. We worshiped. We played for our church family.

Sidenote: Why is it always so hard to play for the folks you know real well?? Its strange really. Shouldn't they be those people that you have no fear to play in front of? My philosophy? Nope. I can play all day in front of random crowds because I don't know them folks. I probably won't ever see them again (at least that's what I tell myself). But when its at home...its a different story. You will see them next week! It really didn't help when Sophie was like..."you need to be prepared, cuz they will 'critique the mess outta you'." No she didn't actually say "critique", but you get the idea. We needed to be on point.

Ladies and gents, we did well. I'm very proud of our performance. I am very grateful that I was able to concentrate on God during that song instead of the people. Then after service several people came to us and told us how well we did. There was one lady in particular who I had never seen before. She was one of our fair skinned sisters in the Lord (lol) and she saw me walking out the front door. She stopped and said "y'all did so well." I told her thanks, then she looked at me with his super intense look and was like..."no. seriously. Thank you! Thank you for your words and your worship. Thank you" I didn't know exactly what to say. I hugged her, smiled, and walked away. I was floored that this simple song could touch someone like that.

We played during second service as well. I COMPLETELY changed the words around, changing the order of thangs, added some stuff, deleted some stuff..oops But Stix was right there, ready to play and catch whatever was being tossed out. I was pleased with both performances.

What's next?

Stix wisely said on the way home..."we need more songs." LOL and I couldn't agree more. We can't keep playing the same ones. We've got like 7 oringal songs total, 3 or 4 strong ones, and then a few covers. Soo...yup, we need to get to writin.

All in all...Sunday was a very long, long, and satisfying day.


*God doesn't need some grandiose production. But just our pure hearts focused on Him, giving of ourselves unselfishly*

I also have 2 REALLY big opportunities in the horizon that would get me out of this sameness of everyday. They both came out of nowhere, could get me out of the routine that I've grown accustomed to, and involved working with some really great people. Both opportunities would fulfill separate dreams of mine. I can't wait to blog about them, but of course, I'll wait until they're official. I love God.

~Jelly~

**Random**

So as you know, I am now attending David Lipscomb University for graduate school. Let me tell you...I'm lovin it so far as far as school goes. I mean, who can really love reading textbooks and taking tests, but aside from that, the school itself is pretty cool.

I was in my Research and Statistics class last Thursday bored out of my mind, so what do I do when I'm too bored to pay attend to important information that will be on the test??? Yup, I journal. So I'm sitting in the very front row where the prof. can see everything I'm doing and I pull out my bright pink journal. I don't think that bothered him much because prior to that I was just drawing random pictures on the syllabus he handed out about 60 minutes earlier. This is my Stats class journal entry:



I am going to a tiny tiny tiny Christian school in a tucked away section of Nashville, TN. I know what you're thinking. How close minded and conservative. #1. It's a Christian school. What kind of freedom can you have attending a Christian school? #2. Your high school was bigger and this college right? I know I know. But I love doing something different. I mean, I went from a high school class of 42, to a college of 23,000 students, back to a cohort of like...IDK...less than 100. I'm all over the map here.

I'm doodling in my journal, then a conversation catches my attention and peaks my interest. The prof is talking about how we have to not only pay attention to techniques in counseling and theory, but also be aware of the fact that people are more than physical beings. We have souls and minds and spirits that continuously impact our lives and others. This makes me think about how different Lipscomb is than MTSU (my Alma mater). MTSU is considered to be quite a liberal college. You can protest and picket any time you feel like it. You can play explicit music outside the very buildings in which you attend class. Your professor will cuss you out if you step outta line. Let me paint a picture of the MTSU Psychology dept. for you. After 4 years in that environment I think I've come across maybe 2 Christians...MAYBE. I can only think of one but I'm giving a bit of grace thinking maybe I'm forgetting someone. How do I know this? My Psychology professors at MTSU made it clear to their class their views on Christianity. Basically, it's silly. My professors proclaimed and shouted their Atheistic views and wore them proud like it was an American flag. I've seen professors single out Christian students and ask them crazy questions like "why would an all knowing God create someone who He knew would torture and kill numerous people?" How can you answer a question to which only God knows that answer? Right, you can't. So I witnessed professors attacking God for years, and of course back then I didn't want to speak up or anything because #1. Professors don't make good enemies. #2. I couldn't answer their "God" questions.

Fast forward some years to Lipscomb. We can freely talk about how we do or do not believe in God. We can talk about the statistics that back up the biological ideas of Psychology and then follow up. We can talk about how our relationship with God affects who we are as counselors.

So now which school is close minded? The one where professors either don't care and denounce God or tip toe around the issue because it's a thin line between opinion and getting a premature review with the dean of the Psych dept. Or is it the one where you are free to believe what you want, and even encouraged to seek answers outside what can be physically measured.

hmmm.....

August 27

So what's up with you?

Oh me?? Well I guess this is my blog. Well...nothing. Ok, some things, but I'm not having a very good time dealing with most of them.



#1. School. I am now attend David Lipscomb University for my Masters in Counseling. I know at the beginning of this blog I said I wasn't having a good time dealing with most of my life's event right now but you know what? I enjoy school. It's something I'm very good at. I'm great at reading, remembering, discussing, comprehending, and evaluating different theories of practice in Psychology. I sooo LOVE Lipscomb. It's a complete turn-around from MTSU. First off, I think I had ONE Christian Psych professor at MTSU. I mean, nearly all of them proclaimed to not believe in God. I guess when you see the worst parts of humanity it challenges every part of you. Well at Lipscomb, these people believe in God. On the first day we had a debate on whether or not a Christian should practice couples therapy on homosexual couples. I LOVE IT. I can't wait to step on some toes over at Lipscomb!! HAHA, jk. Y'all know I'm a hard core Christ lover, but never will I miss an opportunity to minister because John and Jane Doe aren't living the way my bible says they should. I mean dang...I ain't there yet either. My profs are encouraging us to figure out who we will be as counselors. What types of techniques will we use? What population(s) will we see? Will we even counsel, or be in administration or academia? I believe as far as Psychology goes, I'll be a counselor for teens and young adults. I think I'm gonna be that type of counselor who brings herself without the flashy degree to her sessions. I mean, let's face it. Most counselors think that just because they have some degrees, they're better at life. NOPE. Not a fact. In fact, most Psychologists see Psychologists on a weekly basis for their issues. I'm going into this field with my imperfect self, to give of myself and to learn from the people I see. So after this semester I'll have three more. December 2010 here I come!!! I plan on going for my doctorate...but Ima take that as it comes.



#2. Every day life. Lately it's been hard for me to find that "for no reason except I'm a child of God" joy. I mean...I have my good and GREAT days, and then I'll have a day like this. A day that I could take or leave. These days usually include me reflecting on my relationships with other people, reflecting on the money I'm spending on school, reflecting on why I am not where I want to be. I know, I'm only 21. But still...I have the same dreams and desires of a 31 year old (mostly), except I haven't had the time to achieve them. It seems like time is moving so fast sometimes, but I am going nowhere. I just have to keep reminding myself that God has a plan, and if I'm walking in His will, I'll get to where He purposed for me to be, even if it does seem like I'm moving in slow motion. But hey, 1 day to the Lord is like 10,000 to you and me. Lately my relationships with some people have been strained. Not necessarily in a bad way. I mean, all things work for the good of those who love God, so of course there is purpose. BUT, I hate feeling like I put a lot into relationships and receive very little in return. I've felt this way with family and friends for the past year and I'm thinking #1. Maybe I expect too much from people. #2. Maybe I just need to get away and figure my own self out for a while. #3. Maybe I'm still acting as if I'm incapable of trusting others. I'm leaning towards #3, followed closely by #1, then #2 is around the corner. Lord...work...on...me!


#3. My mom. So my mom is having surgery here soon. There is a strong possibility of throat cancer (her results came back inconclusive 3 times!!) so she is getting her thyroid removed. The doctors won't know the severity of it all until she is actually on the operating table. When the doc first told me this I slick got a little attitude like..."why the HECK you gotta wait til you cut her open to find out whats up? Is this not 2000 and freakin 9 doc??" Then I have to remember, medicine has limitations. They are not magicians, and they are not gods. They are humans who do the best they can do with all the knowledge of the human body they have. The rest is God. I'm having a time with all of this because ever since I was super little I've had this crazy fear that my mom would die. I mean...if my mom went away for a while I'd imagine the worst possible thing that could happen. I actually remember thinking when I was about 12 that the day my mom dies, I want to die too, cuz I won't be able to take it. We have gone through close periods and not so close periods (at the time, we're closer than I think we've ever been). But when I look around, my mom is the only constant person walking on this Earth that I have. I don't know my father. My grandma is 88 and unfortunately unable to come to my rescue at times. My grandfather, 6 aunts and uncles, and innumerable cousins don't really know me. So that's it. My God, my mom, and me. That's all I really seem to have when it comes down to it. Now, don't think I'm minimizing God's presence in my life, I'm not. But I love to have relationships. I love to be able to talk without having to fear that what I say will end up on somebodys facebook page somewhere. So it's been kinda hard. Like I said before, Lord...work...on...me!! Ok...so I have a couple bffs. 2, to be exact, but it's still hard because I haven't learned to completely trust, especially as of lately. SO yup...prayer this way please! :)



#4. Academics vs. dreams. I have always dreamed of being a musician. Seriously folks, if I could just play worship music every single day my life would be great. Blu21 had a GREAT time last Sunday in youth service at church. It was awesome. I want that every day!! From a young age, I've been very logical (maybe this is why it's hard for me to trust. It's quite illogical to trust anyone but yourself right??). So I had to pick a "career" path. I chose Psychology. Now I love it. I love people. I love studying people. I love learning from people. So if I HAD to choose a real "career" I'd be a Psychologist. But man...that day when I get the opportunity to live my dream...these textbooks and me gon have a bon fire to rival all bon fires.






#5. I miss my friends. I just ended a summer of complete joy. I saw Bebe and Cece in concert(actually I think I saw Cece like 3 or 4 times this summer lol). I went to Jamaica. Took some great road trips. Made some great friends. Graduated from college. And now the season has ended. It's always sooo hard for me to get back to business. Why can't I just take road trips and chill all day everyday? This is why God saw it fit for me not to be any kind of heiress with a ridiculous trust fund...Anjelica Crawford would not be doing to much...except for road trips and chillin. Summer 2009 has been my best!


Current favorite scriptures. Psalm 27 and Matthew 11. Psalm 27 calms every fear that I have...at least for a while. It's simply says no matter what I face, who I face, how lonely I get, the Lord will receive me. Thank you Jesus. Matthew 11. I am currently learning to learn OF Jesus. To come to Him for rest. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. What a life to live. Like I said....I'm learning.


Writing this blog has made me feel a little better about the day. I guess I just needed to work through some of the stuff that was making it's way through my head to put it in some kind of perspective.







Oh yea...tomorrow's my bday. Am I excited???!!!!!!! No. I kinda feel like I did around graduation time. I'm just not that into celebrations for me. I'd rather go to other peoples parties...

Alright...later





Call me...you know my name by now.

No Reason to Smile

I am not the same as I was when I took my first steps.

I'm currently at work. Smiling for no particular reason other than...well, I'm me, God is God, and life is good. Lately I've been kind of sad and keeping to myself a bit more. I haven't really felt like chillin or talkin to people much. Well that's over.

I had a bad situation pop up, but that is all that it was; a bad situation. Things and people come and go like waves in an ocean, and just like the waves, you can't stop them. So I'm learning to let people be people, allow me to be me, and let God take care of everything in between. Isn't it funny how one instance can change your entire day, week, or even life. But what is life if not a series of instances designed and predestined to impact the next?

I'm at work listening to Ginny Owens and just started smiling for NO reason. I realized I haven't blogged in a while and just decided that I may just be in the mood to write one. My thought at this very moment: I have joy. I have the joy of the Lord and although nothing is currently going on I am just happy to know God and have another day to walk on this Earth and represent Him the best that I can. Is that not worth a smile?

Blu21

I haven't written about Blu21 in quite a while. I've been on a small mental break from Blu21 for a couple of reasons. I haven't felt like I was in a position to minister. So in Jamaica, Stix and I played probably 3 or 4 times at different things. The day after we arrived we ministered How Great is Our God at the church service in Kingston. I LOVED IT!!!! When we got up there I was nervous on the sly because there was a lot of people there and I HATE those moments when people are following you with your eyes as you make it to the stage. NERVE RACKING!!! But anyway, after we began, everyone worshipped, and I was free. I was free to tell God how GREAT He is. I forgot about everyone else in that room, even if it was only for a few moments. It was God and I. I opened my eyes for a bit and saw everyone with their hands lifted and giving the attention of which we so often rob Him. AWESOMENESS!!!

Then we ministered on and off with the band throughout the week. Our theme song was Indescribable by Chris Tomlin. I LOVE that song!! Everyone was like...omg I never wanna hear that song again. But I mean...think about those words:

Indescribable

Uncontainable

You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name

You are amazing God

All powerful

Untamable

Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim

You are amazing God

The song is just about how GREAT and BIG and AWESOME our God is. I could never get tired of it. At one point Auntie Janeth (the founder of the organization we were serving with) asked me if I knew the song. I was like..."yea, I know the chorus." Then out of no where she called me up to sing it ALONE. OMG. Ok, so it wasn't out of no where. I mean looking back, why else would she ask me if I knew it? I wasn't thinking really. If I was I prolly woulda been like..."ummm nope. Sure don't." LOL

Blu21 also played at a service in the park in Chapelton. That night was powerful. There is something about being in nature to come see about God. I mean, I have experienced some powerful things in a building. God can sweep through a room and leave you on the ground, weighted down by the pressure of His glory. But when you are outside, no air conditioning, an abundance of bugs, clouds, wind, and voices lifted up to the sky in praises, you experience something different. It's like you are going to meet God instead of the other way around. That may not be the best way to describe it, but I don't know how else to. It's like being in God's habitat instead of Him coming into ours. Needless to say, I loved it. We ministered Broken; "I want to be broken before you." The sound was acting kinda funny, but I prayed before our performance that God remove any hindrances from my heart and rest on each word and note played. When I feel like I have laid down my worries, my mind, I feel like God has the opportunity to move.

At the end of the open air service, serval people came up for salvation. THAT IS THE POINT!! The point is not for people to hear you and give compliments. The points is not to fulfill some religious obligation to one another. The point is not to give God a few hours so we can rid ourselves of some feeling of duty or guilt. The point is to lead souls to Christ. Nothing is more important, and when I saw those people come up to that alter I felt this peace like...this is what it's about. It not about our feelings man. It's about this.

Today Blu21 ministered at the youth service at Born Again Church (My church home in Nashville). Ok, I'm sure you're tired of hearing me say this but...I LOVED IT!!! LOL I LOVED being down there watching the young folks just love God. We sang God I Love You. My FAVORITE Blu21 song. I love it because it's simply and it expresses everything that needs to be expressed; God I love you, God I need you, God I want you, I am nothing without you. I didn't actually play the guitar today. Stix was playin my electric so everyone could hear her more, and her acoustic that I was playing did not sound good with the electric. So I just held it and sang. (My string broke on my acoustic so I needs to go ahead and get me some strangs). Anywho...I LOVE just singing and not playing. First of all, I ain't got that kind of skill just yet where I can play and sing without strugglin just a lil bit. I am improving, but I'm not there yet. So I just sang. We received compliments which was cool of course. Those always feel good, but Sister Kitty said something that meant so much. She said that she knew our words were real and came from a deep and heartfelt place, and that they touched the kids. That's all that really mattered man. Bump all the compliments, they heard the words beyond my voice. They heard the notes because Stix strumming. They talked to God from their own personal place, and said some simple words: God I Love You.

I've got a few new songs that I've written for Blu21. I haven't played them all for Stix, but I will soon. I feel a lot better about playing again. Whatever was going on that was trying to attack our ministry did not succeed, simply because God says when enemies come they will stumble and fall (Psalm 27). So whatever the attack, in my mind or otherwise, it did not prosper. Thank you Jesus. I'm excited to see Stix's reaction to the songs. At first I thought they weren't Blu21 songs because the sound is very different from what we've written prior to, but we'll see if they end up under the Blu21 umbrella-ella-ella. (lol)

School

Well whats to say except...it starts tomorrow. I am going for my Masters in Counseling, which is cool. I'm excited to have that under my belt. It will only take 4 semesters. People say that undergrad is in many ways a greater challenge than many grad programs, so altogether I'm not nervous. But I am apprehensive about the whole thing cuz Lord knows that sometimes, I don't FREAKING feel like going to class, reading a textbook, writing a paper, listening to professors, paying THOUSANDS of dollars... But I also know that God is going to use this training as part of my ministry, otherwise I wouldn't feel to pressed to go. I mean...ain't one degree enough for a simple worship musician? lol...nope.. have you seen our economy??? LOL

So I'm going in prepared to study (hopefully. I've never really studies all that much before) and learn all that I need to learn in order to go to the next step. I'm ready God. I'll let y'all know how the first week goes.

I feel like some things are coming to an end. This has been a great summer. I've met wonderful people and developed GREAT relationships. So let's call it an end and move to the next phase...but only with you Jesus.

** I wonder if people get tired of reading about "God" and "Jesus" in my blogs??? Awww, I'm sorry, but if that's the case, stop reading my blogs. There is nothing else I'd rather talk about than God and how He reveals Himself in my life. SO, and I quote; "That's that on that" (Quote from Sophie, Melissa, and Sabrina).

I am not the same as I was when I took my first steps.

Call me Jel