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Caution: Personal blogging ahead!
I told you about my trip to Chicago. It was awesome. Have you further questions, refer to that blog.
Well anyway Godmommy told me something when I was there; "I hold back in worship." HUH?
So we were at church in Chicago and the spirit of God was so heavy. You could not possibly be in that place and not feel His very glory! Well I was in straight worship but I felt like there was a distance between me and Lord still. I don't understand why. I was worshipping. He had my attention...so I thought. Well apparently Pastor Kim caught that up in the spirit because she straight up called me out! "Anjelica! Get on outta there Anjelica. Come here." Yup, she called me to the front of the church. Later after we'd gotten home I asked what the deal was. Why would I have to come outta my row to the front of the church? The response was this: sometimes when you're trying to get to a greater level of worship you've got to remove any hindrances around you. That may require you to physically MOVE yourself and REMOVE some things.
One thing that Pastor Kim always says is "get your mind off of you." I know for me it can be difficult at times to completely let go in worship. Its not that I'm not focusing on God or anything, but I just don't wanna be the last person standing up not realizing that everyone else has moved on! lol *so embarrassing* One more than one occasion (four actually) different people, with no connect, have told me that the Lord wants to take me to another level of worship but fear is holding me back. I didn't quite understand this until very very recently. I'm working on getting my mind off of me.
This past Sunday at my home church was awesome. I feel like I've gotten one step closer in getting my mind off of me and more on the Lord. There were times in worship where I was crying and even wailing so hard that I think I almost threw up (lol...is that normal?). I couldn't help it. The Lord is so amazing, and in those moments all I could feel was His presence. I don't know what the people sitting to my left and my right were doing. I didn't care. I'm not even sure if I knew whether or not the church in general was still in worship. I didn't matter. In those few moments my mind was not on me; I was free.
Later on in the service the Lord led me to get out of my seat and pray, however it was awkward and I didn't want to cuz it was uncomfortable! UGH Well thank you Lord for an extra push because someone else walked up to me and told me to do exactly what the Lord had told me. Why I can't ever seem to listen when God tells me the first time I don't know! Pray fa me lol So I did just that. I got out of my seat and prayed. I let go of the fact that people would look at me funny. I let go of the fact that I didn't really want to and I thought I could just pray quite effectively from my seat. I let go of every hindering thought that exalted itself above what the Lord had said. I got my butt up, walked down to the alter, and prayed. I prayed for exactly what I heard to the Lord tell me to pray for....and something happened. I watched someone get free! I watched someone who carried a burden so heavy get a release. I don't know what that burden was. I don't care what it was...it doesn't matter to me. All I know is that the Lord used the agreement, obedience, and surrender of the saints to break a chain of bondage.
I praise God for that. I praise God for making me uncomfortable. I think the world would be a much better place if we all got this revelation: You do not matter in comparison to the will of God. Realize that unless you and me both obey what the Lord is saying, He will move us out of the way and make room for someone that will say "yes Lord." What I want, what I dream of, what makes me feel good, etc, does not matter unless it is the will of God.
My work in progress: Allow the Holy Spirit to have complete control. In worship, I won't think of anything else but the Lord, not even myself. In everyday life, obey the Lord, period. Who cares if people think you're crazy or they talk about you. Guess what? It doesn't matter. Those people don't have a heaven or hell to put you in. Be obedient to what the Lord is saying to you. Let yourself be led by the Lord.
~An endless work in progress~
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
♫I JUST WANT TO TOUCH YOUR HEART ♫
As we fall down before You
With our willing hearts, we seek
In the greatness of Your glory
It's so hard to even speak
There is nothing we can offer
No, nothing can repay
So we give You all our praises
And lift our voice to sing
We give You glory
Lifting up our hands and singing
Holy, You alone are worthy
We just want to touch Your heart, Lord
Touch Your heart♪
With our willing hearts, we seek
In the greatness of Your glory
It's so hard to even speak
There is nothing we can offer
No, nothing can repay
So we give You all our praises
And lift our voice to sing
We give You glory
Lifting up our hands and singing
Holy, You alone are worthy
We just want to touch Your heart, Lord
Touch Your heart♪
~Jeremy Camp
On my way to church today this song came on and I totally embarrassed myself for its duration. This song really freakin touched me today! OMG I was officially jammin SO HARD. Rockin and singin, lifting my hands and worshipping. YESSUH!! (lol) Folks were drivin past me or I was drivin past them and they looked at me like I was crazy....which I prolly am.
If you haven't heard this song you need to and just allow the words to penetrate your mind and heart. The Lord alone is worthy, and I just want to touch His heart with my worship, period. Don't care much about what folks drivin past me think. They can't touch His heart for me so...*singing* "Glory, liftin up my hands and singin holy, You alone are worthy....."
Who is this king of Glory?
Life up your head oh ye gates
And be ye lifted up you everlasting doors
That the King of glory may come in
Who is this King of glory?
The Lord of hosts
He is the King of Glory
Psalm 24
Well there is a lot of good things going on in my life right now. And all I can say is that I'm chalking it up to having the joy of the Lord; my strength (Nehemiah 8).
I am learning something that I wish I would have learned a long time ago, and something that some people never learn. I'm learning to be happy with Jesus. There is nothing I want more in this world than Jesus. I know that if I can just get to Him, my problems will be so small. If I can just get to Him my fears and hurts won't seem so devastating. If I can just immerse myself in thoughts of Him, my emotions won't matter, my opinions won't be so heavy, and my flesh won't be SUCH A FREAKIN ANNOYANCE! To be wrapped up in His presence. To hear Him speak. To know that no matter what happens moments from now, nothing can take away this peace and joy that the Lord has given me. Its taken me a good while to be able to say..."hey God, I know things are hard, but I love you fa real and I'm still gonna have a praise on my lips." And now that I've gotten to that point (for the most part), I don't struggle to praise much anymore. It's not a hard to get into His presence. Praying is actually enjoyable.
Problems are real. This flesh is real. However, our Father in Heaven, the King of Glory who founded the earth on the seas, has made His peace and joy available to us. Dive in. Take advantage of all the Lord is offering.
I pray that you live. I pray that whatever is plaguing your spirit will be a memory; a testimony of what the Lord has brought you through. I pray that you are able to drop your worries and fears about tomorrow, and allow God to take care of you today. I pray that those chains that were once wrapped around you, hindering you, holding you in place, are broken. I pray that you walk in the love and joy of Jesus Christ. After all, it is yours for the taking. ♥
~My life is no longer my own~
And be ye lifted up you everlasting doors
That the King of glory may come in
Who is this King of glory?
The Lord of hosts
He is the King of Glory
Psalm 24
Well there is a lot of good things going on in my life right now. And all I can say is that I'm chalking it up to having the joy of the Lord; my strength (Nehemiah 8).
I am learning something that I wish I would have learned a long time ago, and something that some people never learn. I'm learning to be happy with Jesus. There is nothing I want more in this world than Jesus. I know that if I can just get to Him, my problems will be so small. If I can just get to Him my fears and hurts won't seem so devastating. If I can just immerse myself in thoughts of Him, my emotions won't matter, my opinions won't be so heavy, and my flesh won't be SUCH A FREAKIN ANNOYANCE! To be wrapped up in His presence. To hear Him speak. To know that no matter what happens moments from now, nothing can take away this peace and joy that the Lord has given me. Its taken me a good while to be able to say..."hey God, I know things are hard, but I love you fa real and I'm still gonna have a praise on my lips." And now that I've gotten to that point (for the most part), I don't struggle to praise much anymore. It's not a hard to get into His presence. Praying is actually enjoyable.
Problems are real. This flesh is real. However, our Father in Heaven, the King of Glory who founded the earth on the seas, has made His peace and joy available to us. Dive in. Take advantage of all the Lord is offering.
I pray that you live. I pray that whatever is plaguing your spirit will be a memory; a testimony of what the Lord has brought you through. I pray that you are able to drop your worries and fears about tomorrow, and allow God to take care of you today. I pray that those chains that were once wrapped around you, hindering you, holding you in place, are broken. I pray that you walk in the love and joy of Jesus Christ. After all, it is yours for the taking. ♥
~My life is no longer my own~
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Le 4 de Juillet!!
I had the best 4th of July without BBQ ever.
I once thought that it was the ribs, bbq beans, and potato salad that made the 4th of July. It was the ruthless sun which caused blinding reflections off of cars passing by. It was the annoying crackle of the bad kids next door setting off fire crackers. It was the sun tea that grandma made that morning. It was the ice cream man that would drive by when the sun was beginning to set.
This year I didn't have any of that. No ribs, beans, and potato salad. No sun tea. (I did have however some bad kids next door setting of 'works and the ruthless sun).
This was my first 4th in Chicago...one of my favorite cities.
Courtney and I were just kidding about spending the 4th in Chicago to see a few friends of ours. Well our little joke turned into a reality. Next thing we knew, we were on a plane to Chicago, being picked up by a brother named Tim (who talked about absolutely everything on the way back, such as bears and cougars running loose in Chicago. huh???), and walking up the the drive to Pastor Niecy's (aka Godmom) home, which is where we'd be staying for the weekend.
We were aware that the Taste of Chicago was going on and it had crossed our minds that we may grace this annual festival with our presence for a short while. Well Pastor Niecy said it like this..."You are coming to spend the week-end with your Godmother, so go on and cancel all your little plans." In fact, she referred to it as the "salmonella ridden cesspool." Needless to say, we never made it to the taste (lol) which was okay by me. I couldn't have asked for a better week-end. We even changed our flights to leave at a later time so we could spend a little more time with our Chicago family.
I must say, I never thought I'd be kicking it at Pastor Niecy's crib. I was so nervous! simply because this woman is not fooled by facades and words. She is also honest beyond belief, to the point where you just never know what come out of her mouth. (lol) She also is one of the most loving and self-sacrificing people I have ever met. I love her to life!
So we spent the weekend with Godmommy, eating way too much food, going to church, eating more food, shopping, chilling at the house, being very aware of her pit bull's (Duke is his name) every move, and eating. We also met some pret-ty cool people, and got the chance to chill with the other Ray sisters (Ms. Tanya, Ms. Cheryl, and Pastor Kim) for a bit. My most memorable times were just sitting around in her den, eating (of course) and talking about whatever subject came up, and listening to different thoughts, ideas, and pure wisdom travel around the room from ear to ear. This was a week-end to remember.
I am grateful to God for enriching my life with such beautiful people, inside and out.
I ♥ Chicago....and can't wait to be back!
I once thought that it was the ribs, bbq beans, and potato salad that made the 4th of July. It was the ruthless sun which caused blinding reflections off of cars passing by. It was the annoying crackle of the bad kids next door setting off fire crackers. It was the sun tea that grandma made that morning. It was the ice cream man that would drive by when the sun was beginning to set.
This year I didn't have any of that. No ribs, beans, and potato salad. No sun tea. (I did have however some bad kids next door setting of 'works and the ruthless sun).
This was my first 4th in Chicago...one of my favorite cities.
Courtney and I were just kidding about spending the 4th in Chicago to see a few friends of ours. Well our little joke turned into a reality. Next thing we knew, we were on a plane to Chicago, being picked up by a brother named Tim (who talked about absolutely everything on the way back, such as bears and cougars running loose in Chicago. huh???), and walking up the the drive to Pastor Niecy's (aka Godmom) home, which is where we'd be staying for the weekend.
We were aware that the Taste of Chicago was going on and it had crossed our minds that we may grace this annual festival with our presence for a short while. Well Pastor Niecy said it like this..."You are coming to spend the week-end with your Godmother, so go on and cancel all your little plans." In fact, she referred to it as the "salmonella ridden cesspool." Needless to say, we never made it to the taste (lol) which was okay by me. I couldn't have asked for a better week-end. We even changed our flights to leave at a later time so we could spend a little more time with our Chicago family.
I must say, I never thought I'd be kicking it at Pastor Niecy's crib. I was so nervous! simply because this woman is not fooled by facades and words. She is also honest beyond belief, to the point where you just never know what come out of her mouth. (lol) She also is one of the most loving and self-sacrificing people I have ever met. I love her to life!
So we spent the weekend with Godmommy, eating way too much food, going to church, eating more food, shopping, chilling at the house, being very aware of her pit bull's (Duke is his name) every move, and eating. We also met some pret-ty cool people, and got the chance to chill with the other Ray sisters (Ms. Tanya, Ms. Cheryl, and Pastor Kim) for a bit. My most memorable times were just sitting around in her den, eating (of course) and talking about whatever subject came up, and listening to different thoughts, ideas, and pure wisdom travel around the room from ear to ear. This was a week-end to remember.
I am grateful to God for enriching my life with such beautiful people, inside and out.
I ♥ Chicago....and can't wait to be back!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Dr. Crawford
Alright folks, the time has come again for the big decision. Around this time a little over a year ago I had found out that I'd been accepted into the Counseling Psychology PhD. program and I was ecstatic. NO ONE gets into a doctoral program right out of undergrad. This must be God. Well after much prayer I realized that I had jumped ahead of God. I have had the "opportunity" to witness people who have done just this. The field of Psychology is full of scientists, scholars, and researchers who are highly intelligent and have used their human abilities to climb their way up the ladder of academic and professional success. They may have severe money in the bank and a title, but joy is not one thing that appears to resonate in their lives. I've watched people for years who have put themselves in that very situation and I've decided I don't want that. So needless to say, I felt like the Lord was saying that I would be moving ahead of Him. 2 years later I am overjoyed that I didn't go. #1. Texas is not the place for me. #2. God said no. #3. Numbers 1 and 2 are enough.
In these past couple years I've learned so much about myself, my life, my future, and my God that I nearly cry at the thought that I would have missed out on such growth had I'd gone ahead and accepted the offer at Texas A&M. One of the many things I've learned is this: If you open your own door (which is possible, as intelligence and confidence can move one quite far in this world) you will have to sustain yourself in that position. However if you allow the Lord to lead you, He will sustain you in that place in which you've been placed. I NEVER want to open my door again. This has rang true even in terms of relationships. Forcing relationships just because you want them is a no go folks. Allow the Lord to connect you to those He wants you in relationship with.
I've also learned to let things ride. I cannot control this life and God doesn't need my help (thanks Pastor Niecy). When I've been offended I've learned to forgive and show grace. People are people, and they will always be people. It's only fair to allow others the grace to grow. When I have offended others I've learned to apologize and allow the Lord to work on the offendees heart, that he or she may forgive me. God is in control and I'm just coming to terms with this fact that has been and always will be. It ain't nothin new, I'm only just learning it.
Well here I am again. I'm about to have my Masters degree. I've studied, I've worked hard, I've been diligent to remove distraction in order to remain focused on my God given path, I haven't given into idleness. And now I feel ready to do it. I am ready to take that last educational step and enter into a PhD. program. Because I'll already have my Master's it will take around 3 years. I am READY!!
Where to go is now the question. Well, it's between Nashville, Chicago, or North Carolina. I'm looking for a Community Psychology program, which are few and far between so my choices are limited. However I have complete confidence in that the Lord will place me exactly where He wants me. I've just got to keep my ears open to His voice and my spirit open to His direction.
Disclaimer: I take no credit for any of this. I am officially and publicly giving the Lord the glory and credit for everything He has done for me, the doors that He has opened and the relationships He has formed.
P.S. SUPER EXCITED for the 4th of July week-end. Thank you Lord!
♥Grateful♥
In these past couple years I've learned so much about myself, my life, my future, and my God that I nearly cry at the thought that I would have missed out on such growth had I'd gone ahead and accepted the offer at Texas A&M. One of the many things I've learned is this: If you open your own door (which is possible, as intelligence and confidence can move one quite far in this world) you will have to sustain yourself in that position. However if you allow the Lord to lead you, He will sustain you in that place in which you've been placed. I NEVER want to open my door again. This has rang true even in terms of relationships. Forcing relationships just because you want them is a no go folks. Allow the Lord to connect you to those He wants you in relationship with.
I've also learned to let things ride. I cannot control this life and God doesn't need my help (thanks Pastor Niecy). When I've been offended I've learned to forgive and show grace. People are people, and they will always be people. It's only fair to allow others the grace to grow. When I have offended others I've learned to apologize and allow the Lord to work on the offendees heart, that he or she may forgive me. God is in control and I'm just coming to terms with this fact that has been and always will be. It ain't nothin new, I'm only just learning it.
Well here I am again. I'm about to have my Masters degree. I've studied, I've worked hard, I've been diligent to remove distraction in order to remain focused on my God given path, I haven't given into idleness. And now I feel ready to do it. I am ready to take that last educational step and enter into a PhD. program. Because I'll already have my Master's it will take around 3 years. I am READY!!
Where to go is now the question. Well, it's between Nashville, Chicago, or North Carolina. I'm looking for a Community Psychology program, which are few and far between so my choices are limited. However I have complete confidence in that the Lord will place me exactly where He wants me. I've just got to keep my ears open to His voice and my spirit open to His direction.
Disclaimer: I take no credit for any of this. I am officially and publicly giving the Lord the glory and credit for everything He has done for me, the doors that He has opened and the relationships He has formed.
P.S. SUPER EXCITED for the 4th of July week-end. Thank you Lord!
♥Grateful♥
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Hurricane
I have built a city here
Half with pride and half with fear
Just wanted a safer place to hide
I don’t want to be safe tonight
I need You like a hurricane
Thunder crashing, wind and rain
To tear my walls down
I’m only Yours now
I need you like a burning flame
A wild fire untamed
To burn these walls down
I’m only Yours now I’m only Yours now
I don't know if you know who Jimmy Needham is. If you don't, I advise you do conduct a little investigation and find out. He has an amazing song called Hurricane and the lyrics are prayers from my own heart.
The song is basically inviting the Lord to tear down every wall that has been built around one's heart; to penetrate the very core. This is an invitation to God saying I know I've distanced myself from you. Be it through fear, a need for comfort and protection, rebellion. But whatever the reason, burn down these walls I've foolishly built up around my heart that have kept you out. Make me uncomfortable. Shake everything around me. "I'm only yours now."
Monday, June 7, 2010
SAFE!
It's so funny how we naturally want to put people in the place of our provider, our protection, our security. I guess it seems easier to do that. We can see people. We can touch people. We can have immediate responses from people. So it's natural that when we go through a crises, we immediately look to those that surround for guidance.
Proverbs 18:10The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.
The word of God lets us know that when we face trouble and instability, when we're doubting or just full of fear, we can run to Lord and will be safe. This is amazing because it doesn't say..."dependent of what you happen to be facing, you could be safe" or "The name of the Lord is a tower..." The Lord is a strong, and capable tower, and we can run to Him regardless of why we're running, and be safe.
How many people can give you that assurance? How many of your friends can you run to and no matter what the circumstances are, they can promise you safety, deliverance, security, and everything else that our Strong Tower houses? You got it...ZERO.
Psalm 23 (which we all know) tells us that the Lord will not only catch us, but He will lead us into the path of righteousness. Thankfully He doesn't stop there. He will then UPHOLD you there will a willing spirit (Psalm 51:12). Now how many folks you know will tell you to do the righteous thing 100% of the time? Again...ZERO. We don't know what the right thing is all the time. And in addition to that, we have attitudes, and if someone slaps you, chances are you won't get the advice to "turn the other cheek." Once the Lord gets us on the path of righteousness, He still doesn't leave us there, but He continues to work on us so that we will want to remain on that path of light.
Galatians 1:10 For am I now trying to win the favor of people or God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a slave of Christ.
So Paul was real nice the way he said that. In order words...stop running up behind people and learn to run up behind God. People cannot keep you. BTW, this isn't a bad thing. It just adds to the knowledge that God is sovereign and no one can compare.
I am so happy that my praise isn't due to people, because people can't keep me. But I will trust in the Lord, my safe place.
♥ Learning to trust ♥
Proverbs 18:10The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.
The word of God lets us know that when we face trouble and instability, when we're doubting or just full of fear, we can run to Lord and will be safe. This is amazing because it doesn't say..."dependent of what you happen to be facing, you could be safe" or "The name of the Lord is a tower..." The Lord is a strong, and capable tower, and we can run to Him regardless of why we're running, and be safe.
How many people can give you that assurance? How many of your friends can you run to and no matter what the circumstances are, they can promise you safety, deliverance, security, and everything else that our Strong Tower houses? You got it...ZERO.
Psalm 23 (which we all know) tells us that the Lord will not only catch us, but He will lead us into the path of righteousness. Thankfully He doesn't stop there. He will then UPHOLD you there will a willing spirit (Psalm 51:12). Now how many folks you know will tell you to do the righteous thing 100% of the time? Again...ZERO. We don't know what the right thing is all the time. And in addition to that, we have attitudes, and if someone slaps you, chances are you won't get the advice to "turn the other cheek." Once the Lord gets us on the path of righteousness, He still doesn't leave us there, but He continues to work on us so that we will want to remain on that path of light.
Galatians 1:10 For am I now trying to win the favor of people or God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a slave of Christ.
So Paul was real nice the way he said that. In order words...stop running up behind people and learn to run up behind God. People cannot keep you. BTW, this isn't a bad thing. It just adds to the knowledge that God is sovereign and no one can compare.
I am so happy that my praise isn't due to people, because people can't keep me. But I will trust in the Lord, my safe place.
♥ Learning to trust ♥
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