Rain...what rain?

Alright. Never in my life have I seen so much rain. I'm from Iowa, and we don't get this. I've been down here for 4 years. TENNESSEE don't get this! WTH?!! Who was that in the bible that told the rain to stop, and it did? Jacob maybe? Well where is Jacob? But if it wasn't raining we'd be complaining about a drought so.....

Yesterday, Friday, was a really really good day. It's been a while since I've had a really really good day. I was sooo tired. I had to be at work at some ungodly hour (if the sun ain't up yet, the hour is ungodly okay? Remember that right there). The night before I was chillin with Sophie, talkin and watchin Grey's Anatomy (which was a HUGE disappointment) till like...IDK, too late cuz we BOTH had to work the next morn.

Ok, hold up. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy? Well I'm an avid fan and as a fan I must be honest. This two-hour season premiere was awful. It kicked rock after rock after rock after rock....(not crack rock...cuz crack is cheap...me and bobby's babaaayy;). MAN...I couldn't believe it. Me and Sophie were waiting forEV to see this premiere and entire time we were like....what???! What the hell is this mess?? I don't know about her, but I was pissed.

*Sorry, I had to let that out.*

Anyway, I had to work a full day on Friday and I was so tired. Let me tell you how my week was prior to that. Wednesday I had work 3-11, and then Thursday...whhewww Jesus Thursday I had to be at work at 6am to 11am, then the counseling office at 11:30 to 4p, then class from 5-7:30p. THEN I finally took a breath, and jetted to the house tryna beat Soph there. So after all that, we chilled for a while, THEN I had to get up for work the next morn. The way it would look, my entire week would create a horrible Friday. It rained non stop, I was tired, I need to study. Let me tell you what happened on Friday right?

I got up. I showered. I got dressed. I got my stuff together. I walked out the door. I got in my truck. I saw my check engine light come on....nooo Jesus nooooo. I began the drive to work. Then I decided, you know what? I've had too many bad days. Since my bday (maybe before) I have not been happy at all. Where is my joy man? I'm that person who is always happy for no reason. Nope, not as of lately. SO Friday when I was driving to work (in the rain) I smiled. I KNOW I looked extra crazy, but I just smiled and began to thank God for how awesome He is. I believe He just waits for moments like these....when we realize that no matter what's going on, God is still God.

It can be sooo hard to remember this sometimes when bills are piling up and the money is not coming in. When school is getting on your nerves. When people stretch your faith. When family is actin a fool. When the enemy plays games with your mind. Through all that, I can't lie, it's hard to remember God is God because everything else is so up in your face.

But that Friday morning in my truck I remembered. God's beauty is reflected everywhere, and I refused to go through this day without taking notice. My spirit lifted at THAT moment. My heaviness lifted and my heart was full of joy. I had literally forgotten what it was like to be happy for no real reason. To have joy. I almost always (I'm stressing the "almost" here) have a smile on my face. I can always find the silver lining. ALWAYS. But lately, that old bug of depression that darkened my adolescent years began to creep in and days just got darker and darker. I stopped that crap in it's tracks. I've gone through too much and come out cleaner than when I went in to go back there. God has brought me out of such despair, that I would be doing Him or me no service by going back. I never again want to see the inside of a hospital room because I couldn't find a reason to see tomorrow.

My days will be bright and I will notice the beauty of God, even when it's hard to see.

One thing that I love to do is write. I wrote a simple worship song yesterday. It's about coming back to God. You know after you've foolishly taken a little break from devotion and time spent with Him, and you come back with a sincere heart and broken spirit? And in coming back you realize God never went anywhere, but waiting patiently on you to return to Him? Yup, that's what it's about. I've written songs in the meantime, but this one is different. This one doesn't "sound good." This one is real. This is sumn like a declaration for me.

"I hate to say it/but it's true/my heart has turned from you/But you stayed with me/But you covered me/But you kept me/But you waited for me/So I say thank you Lord"

So friends, what do you see that's beautiful about God today? Through all of this rain...what is He growing and cultivating in you? Around you? With you?

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God has given me tremendous favor. I have the amazing opportunity to work with the youth choir at Born Again. Now for a long time, I didn't even KNOW there was a youth choir. I guess because they sing downstairs during service. I LOVE IT!!!

One thing that touches the deepest part of my heart is when I see young people worshiping God. When I say young people, I mean 14-19. This is the age where the enemy will do his best to take you out. He pulls out all the stops. Why do you think teen suicide rates are higher than ever and our youth is sooo lost in the craziness of life? I love the kiddies (12/13 and under), but these teens have my heart. They go through so much and battle so much, and they usually do it alone because the world and the church underestimate what they have to face. When they can lift their hands and tell God thank you....I'm bout to cry right now. I love it. the desperation for Him. The child-like heart that needs Him. I love it.

So we are traveling to Dyersburg (the big city...lol whit) on Sunday to sing. I am so new to this choir (I don't even know everybody's name) but somehow, in a period of like 3 weeks, I went from being a visiter to really being involved. IDK how, but I love it. I was content with just supporting them. But it is so great to stand with them and worship God with them. So needless to say I'm super pumped for Dyersburg. I'm super pumped for just rehearsal. Thank you God for the chance to love you with the young folk. You KNOW I needed this.

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I have this song stuck in my head man. You know it. I believe it's called for your glory. "For your glory/I would do anything/Just to see you/To behold you as my King/I wanna be where you are/I gotta be where you are"

Man, I was listenin to this yesterday and straight fell into worship. These are some powerful words. I GOTTA be where you are. I'd do ANYTHING for your glory!

This is gonna be in my head for a minute...

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School. I fear it will never end. I fear that I will get so sick of it that I'll quit. I fear that I'll get tired of accruing loans. UGHH!! Shoot I'm already tired. But it's like...I've already started. I'm halfway. I've started my Master's, I'll be done in a year. And time-wise, starting my doctorate will be downhill. But you know...everyday I'm convinced that I'm gonna take a little break. I gotta get out for a while

God...where should we go?

I love ya!!!

9.19.09

I haven't blogged in a couple weeks. Actually I shut down my blog for a couple weeks. I've been kinda going through this thing where I really did not want people in my business. It was really crazy cuz like, for the most part, the people that read my blogs are my friends, and I didn't even want them to be able to read my blogs anymore. SO I was like...forget it, i'm deletin this crap.

*Isn't is crazy how you allow the enemy to play tricks on your mind, lead you to isolate yourself, and then divide up what you and God have built?? But then again that is his job...so what else would he be doing. I hate the devil! DEVIL YOU SUCK...KICK ROCKS*

But I couldn't delete it. I felt like I'd be losing something if I deleted it, so instead I'm changing it. My blogs have become too personal. I'm not comfortable anymore sharing details of my personal life where all can see and judge. I'll save that for my personal journal. This blog is now about school...and God.

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So Lipscomb right? I've been talking to current Lipscomb students about school and many of them have some serious complaints. The first one being "its too expense!" I look at it this way. It's all an investment. If you didn't think it was worth it, you wouldn't be here. My experiences thus far with Lipscomb have been excellent. Not only are our minds pushed to be cultivated and exposed to different schools of thought, but our spirits are being built right along side it. It is not uncommon for a professor to add to a point about the nature of man and find support for it in the bible, as well as the text book. Y'all, science does not disprove God, but it shows Him strong and orderly.

I am expecting to graduate with a Master's in Counseling in December of 2010. That is a whole year and some from now, and at the moment, it seems like a long time, although I know it really isn't. I'm sure there will be plenty of the good and the bad issues of life and of the heart to fill the time in between. After graduation I plan to apply to a Ph.D. program (again), choose deferred enrollment, and take a break from the USA for a bit. I have two options, both of which would take me across the world for a while. I have plently of time to work it out, so I'm starting now so when the time comes I'll have no reason to stay (unless BLU21 blows up!! Funny right? Not really.) After my stint overseas, IF I decide to come back to the states, I'll begin working as a counselor and working toward my Ph.D. Yup, Dr. Crawford is about to become real official....in like 5 years LOL

So that's the plan, but Lord knows a person's plan can change. I was accepted into a Ph.D. program a few months ago and even traveled to the school for a tour and to meet the faculty. I chilled at their houses and really got to know them. Then I realized something; this wasn't the path God had for me at the time. That was my "fast track to a paycheck" plan. I'd be getting paid crazy cash to go to school for a degree that would put me in the way of more crazy cash. But I'd be missing all of the developmental stages in between that God means for me to experience and grow from. So I put the fast track plan aside, and said "ok God...I PRAY that this is you I hear. I won't go...not without you."


*I just realized something. I can't talk about God without being at least a little personal. But trust me when I say "a little."*

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Father, I am so grateful for the people you've placed in my life. EACH person. And the enemy will get no victory in those relationships, but your purpose will be fulfilled, we will have the victory, and You will have the glory. I am grateful for the opportunities you have given me. I am grateful that your blessings add fuel to my hope for the future. I am grateful for the trials that prove my faith.

I haven't done this is a while but the words of the day are....grateful and virtue.

Grateful: warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness
Virtue: excellence; goodness; righteousness

Matthew 5: 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect


~Anjelica~

I'm at work..."working," so I decided to blog...

BLU21!!!

Ok...so I haven't written a blog about Blu21 in quite some time. Well here's one.

We've been playing at churches in neighboring towns, birthday parties, and even in random parks in Jamaica. Were we nervous for any of those....not really. I mean you have those small pre-performance jitters, but nothing too big. Well let me tell ya, I had my first case of serious performance anxiety for the first time in a REALLY long time. I know you're wondering..."Anjelica, where were you playin that caused you such anxiety? A packed arena? The White House? Some record exec's office?" No, no, and nope. Ladies and gentlemen, we played for our home church. EEKKK!

It's not like I hadn't figured that this day would come sooner or later. The leadership in the church is working to get the young adults more involved. So the day came. I got the e-mail last week..."Anjelica, we would like you and Jessica to playing during service on Sunday...etc etc etc" HOLD UP. PUMP THE FREAKIN BRAKES!!! sssssssscccccrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

Of course we said yes...yes we would love to play. But you wanna know something? Whenever I come across an opportunity that may stretch me beyond my comfort zone, I automatically want to say no, but I hurry up and say yes before I can say "no, thanks though." So there we were, about to play at the home church for the first time in just a few days. I can't really speak for Jessica, but Anjelica was scared the first day. The second day...still nervous. The third day...kinda nervous. The day before...it's whatever. We're doing it, so let just do it. We practiced late. We tried to perfect our sounds and I tried to remember the order of the words and chords. Then the day came.

We loaded our guitars in the cars, got in, and made our way to church. I prayed almost the entire time!!! lol I was like...."Lord Jesus...I'm scared. BUT Ima get up there and worship you and that's all. So please let them hear the words." And then I began to ask God, what the HECK are we gonna say. It takes a few seconds for our mics to be set up and we always need something to say during time. And neither of us ever want to talk. I was PRAYING that Jessica would have something to say...LOL, and I'm sure she was praying the same. Well..she won (??? Is that correct to say someone won, prayer against prayer? lol) Anywho...God did give me something to say. I just talked about how the song was simple, but all God wants in a pure heart that desire Him. That it doesn't matter how simple the song is, but it's what is behind those simple words that matters. Those weren't my exact words, but I can't remember them. It was a freakin blur. So it was something to that effect.

We struck the first chords. I heard Stix project extremely well (that girl don't need to guitar pick man). We were on it. Then I opened my mouth for the first words. CRACK!!! I cracked on the FIRST note. LOL SOOO EMBARRASSING. But once that happened I was like..."Lord, now this is REALLY for you cuz I do NOT want to think about what everything else is thinking!!" LMBO So I kept singing, closed my eyes, listened to the guitar sick-wit-it-ness of Stix, and dedicated every word to God.

And there you have it. We ministered. We worshiped. We played for our church family.

Sidenote: Why is it always so hard to play for the folks you know real well?? Its strange really. Shouldn't they be those people that you have no fear to play in front of? My philosophy? Nope. I can play all day in front of random crowds because I don't know them folks. I probably won't ever see them again (at least that's what I tell myself). But when its at home...its a different story. You will see them next week! It really didn't help when Sophie was like..."you need to be prepared, cuz they will 'critique the mess outta you'." No she didn't actually say "critique", but you get the idea. We needed to be on point.

Ladies and gents, we did well. I'm very proud of our performance. I am very grateful that I was able to concentrate on God during that song instead of the people. Then after service several people came to us and told us how well we did. There was one lady in particular who I had never seen before. She was one of our fair skinned sisters in the Lord (lol) and she saw me walking out the front door. She stopped and said "y'all did so well." I told her thanks, then she looked at me with his super intense look and was like..."no. seriously. Thank you! Thank you for your words and your worship. Thank you" I didn't know exactly what to say. I hugged her, smiled, and walked away. I was floored that this simple song could touch someone like that.

We played during second service as well. I COMPLETELY changed the words around, changing the order of thangs, added some stuff, deleted some stuff..oops But Stix was right there, ready to play and catch whatever was being tossed out. I was pleased with both performances.

What's next?

Stix wisely said on the way home..."we need more songs." LOL and I couldn't agree more. We can't keep playing the same ones. We've got like 7 oringal songs total, 3 or 4 strong ones, and then a few covers. Soo...yup, we need to get to writin.

All in all...Sunday was a very long, long, and satisfying day.


*God doesn't need some grandiose production. But just our pure hearts focused on Him, giving of ourselves unselfishly*

I also have 2 REALLY big opportunities in the horizon that would get me out of this sameness of everyday. They both came out of nowhere, could get me out of the routine that I've grown accustomed to, and involved working with some really great people. Both opportunities would fulfill separate dreams of mine. I can't wait to blog about them, but of course, I'll wait until they're official. I love God.

~Jelly~