Rain...what rain?

Alright. Never in my life have I seen so much rain. I'm from Iowa, and we don't get this. I've been down here for 4 years. TENNESSEE don't get this! WTH?!! Who was that in the bible that told the rain to stop, and it did? Jacob maybe? Well where is Jacob? But if it wasn't raining we'd be complaining about a drought so.....

Yesterday, Friday, was a really really good day. It's been a while since I've had a really really good day. I was sooo tired. I had to be at work at some ungodly hour (if the sun ain't up yet, the hour is ungodly okay? Remember that right there). The night before I was chillin with Sophie, talkin and watchin Grey's Anatomy (which was a HUGE disappointment) till like...IDK, too late cuz we BOTH had to work the next morn.

Ok, hold up. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy? Well I'm an avid fan and as a fan I must be honest. This two-hour season premiere was awful. It kicked rock after rock after rock after rock....(not crack rock...cuz crack is cheap...me and bobby's babaaayy;). MAN...I couldn't believe it. Me and Sophie were waiting forEV to see this premiere and entire time we were like....what???! What the hell is this mess?? I don't know about her, but I was pissed.

*Sorry, I had to let that out.*

Anyway, I had to work a full day on Friday and I was so tired. Let me tell you how my week was prior to that. Wednesday I had work 3-11, and then Thursday...whhewww Jesus Thursday I had to be at work at 6am to 11am, then the counseling office at 11:30 to 4p, then class from 5-7:30p. THEN I finally took a breath, and jetted to the house tryna beat Soph there. So after all that, we chilled for a while, THEN I had to get up for work the next morn. The way it would look, my entire week would create a horrible Friday. It rained non stop, I was tired, I need to study. Let me tell you what happened on Friday right?

I got up. I showered. I got dressed. I got my stuff together. I walked out the door. I got in my truck. I saw my check engine light come on....nooo Jesus nooooo. I began the drive to work. Then I decided, you know what? I've had too many bad days. Since my bday (maybe before) I have not been happy at all. Where is my joy man? I'm that person who is always happy for no reason. Nope, not as of lately. SO Friday when I was driving to work (in the rain) I smiled. I KNOW I looked extra crazy, but I just smiled and began to thank God for how awesome He is. I believe He just waits for moments like these....when we realize that no matter what's going on, God is still God.

It can be sooo hard to remember this sometimes when bills are piling up and the money is not coming in. When school is getting on your nerves. When people stretch your faith. When family is actin a fool. When the enemy plays games with your mind. Through all that, I can't lie, it's hard to remember God is God because everything else is so up in your face.

But that Friday morning in my truck I remembered. God's beauty is reflected everywhere, and I refused to go through this day without taking notice. My spirit lifted at THAT moment. My heaviness lifted and my heart was full of joy. I had literally forgotten what it was like to be happy for no real reason. To have joy. I almost always (I'm stressing the "almost" here) have a smile on my face. I can always find the silver lining. ALWAYS. But lately, that old bug of depression that darkened my adolescent years began to creep in and days just got darker and darker. I stopped that crap in it's tracks. I've gone through too much and come out cleaner than when I went in to go back there. God has brought me out of such despair, that I would be doing Him or me no service by going back. I never again want to see the inside of a hospital room because I couldn't find a reason to see tomorrow.

My days will be bright and I will notice the beauty of God, even when it's hard to see.

One thing that I love to do is write. I wrote a simple worship song yesterday. It's about coming back to God. You know after you've foolishly taken a little break from devotion and time spent with Him, and you come back with a sincere heart and broken spirit? And in coming back you realize God never went anywhere, but waiting patiently on you to return to Him? Yup, that's what it's about. I've written songs in the meantime, but this one is different. This one doesn't "sound good." This one is real. This is sumn like a declaration for me.

"I hate to say it/but it's true/my heart has turned from you/But you stayed with me/But you covered me/But you kept me/But you waited for me/So I say thank you Lord"

So friends, what do you see that's beautiful about God today? Through all of this rain...what is He growing and cultivating in you? Around you? With you?

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God has given me tremendous favor. I have the amazing opportunity to work with the youth choir at Born Again. Now for a long time, I didn't even KNOW there was a youth choir. I guess because they sing downstairs during service. I LOVE IT!!!

One thing that touches the deepest part of my heart is when I see young people worshiping God. When I say young people, I mean 14-19. This is the age where the enemy will do his best to take you out. He pulls out all the stops. Why do you think teen suicide rates are higher than ever and our youth is sooo lost in the craziness of life? I love the kiddies (12/13 and under), but these teens have my heart. They go through so much and battle so much, and they usually do it alone because the world and the church underestimate what they have to face. When they can lift their hands and tell God thank you....I'm bout to cry right now. I love it. the desperation for Him. The child-like heart that needs Him. I love it.

So we are traveling to Dyersburg (the big city...lol whit) on Sunday to sing. I am so new to this choir (I don't even know everybody's name) but somehow, in a period of like 3 weeks, I went from being a visiter to really being involved. IDK how, but I love it. I was content with just supporting them. But it is so great to stand with them and worship God with them. So needless to say I'm super pumped for Dyersburg. I'm super pumped for just rehearsal. Thank you God for the chance to love you with the young folk. You KNOW I needed this.

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I have this song stuck in my head man. You know it. I believe it's called for your glory. "For your glory/I would do anything/Just to see you/To behold you as my King/I wanna be where you are/I gotta be where you are"

Man, I was listenin to this yesterday and straight fell into worship. These are some powerful words. I GOTTA be where you are. I'd do ANYTHING for your glory!

This is gonna be in my head for a minute...

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School. I fear it will never end. I fear that I will get so sick of it that I'll quit. I fear that I'll get tired of accruing loans. UGHH!! Shoot I'm already tired. But it's like...I've already started. I'm halfway. I've started my Master's, I'll be done in a year. And time-wise, starting my doctorate will be downhill. But you know...everyday I'm convinced that I'm gonna take a little break. I gotta get out for a while

God...where should we go?

I love ya!!!