Abba's Heart

Alright, so I haven't blogged in a really really really really really long time. Haven't had time to, and haven't really felt like it. BUT I do want to share this with you all.

I was invited to this thing called Abba's Heart right? At first I just thought it was a few ladies getting together and just testifying about the goodness of God and coming together in worship. Well, I started to hear about it from a few different people which got me wondering...umm...how many people are gonna be there???


You see, I was asked to sing and play at it, and as I'm sure ALL of you know...I HATE playing by myself, although I am beginning to get over that fear. So when I found out that there was gonna be like...a lot of people there I kinda freaked out!! NOOOO!!! Well I couldn't very well back out...I ain't no punk. But still....maybe a little scared....or a lot.


So anyway, I go over my friend Court's house to play it for her. I could barely get through that! Lord I have a problem lol. After I'm done, and a wrestling session with her dog Lyrical, we head out. We get there at around 5 to help cook, and everyone else is scheduled to get there around 7. TACOS!!! Ladies and gents, I love me some tacos! I need to thank the Lord for that little extra time before the other folks arrived. It gave me some time to laugh, act a fool (as usual) and relax. Just what I needed.

Well we eat, I met some AWESOME people (Leslie, Becka Shay *did I spell that right?*, plus a whole lot more...those are just the names I remember). And here comes Deidra, "Anjelica is gonna start us off tonight with a song of worship." CRAP. You know what? I started the song, and I finished the song. That's all that matters right?! LMBO!! And then people just begin to pray, worship, and sing. I LOVED it. Who knew there were ladies that got together on a Friday night with the purpose of encouraging one another and worshipping? It was great. What better way to get your mind off of yourself but to put it on God? Everything is in worship. Everything.


Now me. I've been pretty good. Actually, considering a few minor bumps in the road, I've been really good. I've finally gotten the courage to put myself under a microscope and say..."ok Lord. This is it. Fix me up." And I think like .3 seconds after I said that, He began. Now in the past, a prayer of mine has always been for the Lord to make me more like Him, give me a clean heart, all that. But this time...I was like..."God, do whatever you got to do! I have GOT to be exactly where you want me." I got to a point where I no longer want to be enveloped in negative and doubtful thoughts. A change in comin!

The Lord has since brought some great women in my life who #1. Don't take any of my excuses. For example, they'll ask me how I'm doing or what's going on. I'll give them the usual "life is good." And they start digging in. They address issues in my life and issues about me that no one has ever really addressed before. And although it is uncomfortable, I appreciate all of it. My desire is to grow. To be better. And one thing I've had to do is learn to be by myself. Now this is a struggle. I LOVE my friends and I love to chill, but this is a time when I need to hear clearly, and that requires some intimate me and Jesus time and some serious fasting. I thank God daily for those women who have pushed me into getting real with God. I've learned that relationships with people may come and they may go, but no matter what happens there, I still have to continually push to grow in my relationship with God. So saints, please pray with me. I'm embarking in a serious spiritual make-over and coming out better for it. What does Paul say...something about how one's current afflictions is nothing compared to the future glory. Ima have to find that scripture after I'm done with this.

Can I share something? I am worried about one thing. I don't want my peeps to think that I'm replacing them or have gotten "too good" for them or anything. Haven't you ever just gotten to a point where you have to block out all other stuff so you can go deeper with God? Well that is all that this is. I love all the people in my life, and I know that they love me. Pretty soon, they'll be able to love a better me! I was talkin to Lola and Crystal about how I've been soo ghost. I have. Never spent so much time focusing on God in my life. This is a good thing. But I've decided if folks don't understand, they just don't understand....I still gotta keep it movin....and so do you.

Okey Dokey...until next time.

Word of the day..week...month...year...lol: Surrender.


Peaces!! ♥