Land of the living!!

Blogger.com tells me that my last blog was published on Dec. 12, 2010. Where have I been you ask? Well let us see...

#1. I GRADUATED!!!!!! Ladies and gentlemen, and the uncategorizable, I am now the holder of a Masters in Psych. Along with the new credentials came new pay ($$!!!!) and new opportunities. I begin teaching at Trevecca in August (whoa, that's like 2 months away!! I ain't ready). Thank you Lord. I remember my first day at MTSU back in 2005 when college was full of surprises, new people, and new things.

#2. I have a new roomie and I love her! Gracie Renee is her name. She's 7 months old. She way very tough at first. Crying at night. Wanting to be in my bed. Eating and pooping all over the place. Now my little Dalmatian-Pitt Bull is well adjusted to life with me. I love her! (did I say that already).

#3. Ohhh the love life of a 20-something year old. Never a dull moment, unless you're me. Let's just say I'm in "heavy like," and it's progressing nicely.

#4. God is still awesome. Last year the Lord really dealt with me with rejection, fear, and other things. This year, the Lord is still keeping me in those areas. I've found that some things have a tendency to resurface if I'm not careful. But the devil can suck my right elbow cuz I ain't got time for his reoccurring games. I'm learning to walk in a new freedom. Christ died so that I could be free, so why settle and walk around in chains? Tell me dat den!! Everyday I feel as if God draws me closer and closer. Honestly, sometimes I'm afraid of what He'll say. Other times I'm afraid that I'll be so drawn that the people I've come to love with fade away. Then I have to come back to myself and say the Lord's plans for me are good, and everything He does and instructs me to do will work out for my good and His glory. I'm determined as was David to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. I don't give into this theology that I have to wait until I'm 6 feet under and walking through the pearly gates to see a land of milk and honey, golden streets, etc. I want to experience the goodness of God right down here! I am determined to walk in the freedom God has reserved just for me!

#5. I joined the choir. WHOOAAA!! So I was (and still am) under the impression that everybody in the Born Again Church choir can blow. And I never felt that my "CCM style" (as my friend Debbie calls it) voice would fit. I believed I joined around February. Last week I had my first solo. Can you say LEAP OF FAITH??!! A. I don't enjoy singing in front of people all that much. B. I sho NUFF don't like singing by myself. But I did it. And the Lord blessed me and the congregation. One lady handed me a note after I had sang and returned to my seat. I unfolded it and along with a heartfelt message that alone almost brought me to tears, was money. Like real live money. I've never experienced anything like that before. I didn't know what to say. For all I cared, it could have been one shiny penny, or a dirty, crusty one at that. All I knew what that I allowed myself to die for just a few minutes. I stopped worrying about how I sounded, what I looked like, my clothes, etc, and allowed the Lord to do what He does best; be about His bizness! And look what happened. The Lord touched someone.

Okay, I'm tired of writing. The Lord has been good and faithful. I'm still seeking His face and learning to follow Him everyday. Life is progressing and I'm living on purpose.


"I am certain that I will see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be courageous and let your heart be strong. Wait for the Lord."
~Psalm 27: 13, 14

The Other Side

On December 12, 2009 I wrote a blog about increasing my faith and becoming closer to God. I told myself that in 2010 I want to walk on water. Well I didn't literally walk on water, I'm still working on that one lol. But I did walk on top of a lot of things I used to think were so deep and uncrossable. Things that seemed to tower far above my courage and abilities. In 2010 I learned something. I will come across a ton of things that will tower over, but out of all these things none will tower over God. I can think of two things in particular that were giants to me. I'll mention one: REJECTION!!!


I was always afraid of being alone, not having someone to talk to. Being disliked by everyone. Being left out. Being forgetten about. I had to face that this year. Not one more year is this thing going to stop me from growing and reaching my goals.


The fear of failure keeps so many people paralyzed. The fear of being alienated keeps so many people from speaking the truth. The fear of coming up short keeps so many people from even starting. Fear fear fear fear fear! If the enemy had one brilliant plan of action against the people of God, it's fear. It stops us in our tracks.


My fear was rejection. I couldn't fathom it. I didn't even want to imagine it. Then one day I decided to go for broke. The whole world could hate me for all I cared. I needed to get in the face of God and disregard everything else. You guys, when I tell you that rejection was my giant, I mean that. It was paralyzing. But like I said, nothing is too big for God. When I told God I wanted to overcome it and would do anything to do just that, it was like he said "alright. Lets get to it!!"


Exactly one year later that giant called rejection doesn't seem like such a giant to me anymore. It's more like a memory. I can remember the feelings it had caused me at one point. I remember the tears it pulled up from somewhere inside. I remember the anger I felt because I felt rejected. Thank God for deliverance and freedom! Thank God for hearing my prayer. Thank God for loving me enough to take me through it to get me out. I guess He really does love me too much to leave me as I am. A glorious mess.


So 2011. I wonder what giants will be tackled this year. I wonder what God has in store. I honestly can't imagine because 2010 held so much more than I could have ever expected. I won't even try to speculate about 2011. All I can is Lord, do whatever you want. I'll do my best to go along with you, leaning not to my own understanding.


2011....STILL walking on water!!! STILL tackling these ugly faced, cross eyed giants.


As someone once told me, and I've found to be quite fitting. "See you on the other side."

♥Walkin on water

2011???!!! WT...

So it is upon on. Another year. Another chance to evaluate your progress of the last 12 months. How did you do?

Well, I completed all my coursework for my Master's program. That's something huh? I really liked Lipscomb, however my time there was short, and therefor did not get a chance to form any long lasting ties with the school. But my experience there was great. From professors whose favorite word was "trick" in the street walker sense of the word to the Christmas tree lighting ceremony to the Jason's Deli they feed the graduate students during finals.

I had some spiritual reconstructive surgery. Wasn't all that enjoyable, but the results I must say made it worth it. I guess I never really understood freedom until I had a taste of it. The amazing sense of being weighed down by nothing when you wake up in the morning. The discreet appearance of a smile or no reason in particular other than the vision of the sky, or random people walking down the street, or thoughts of how blessed you really are. Relationships that are stress free and honest. All of this stuff came through a bit of a painful process, but gold must be refined, yes?

I got bit by the travel bug a bit this year. I've discovered what is known to the common man as a "week-ender" in the non-sexual sense of the word. I found much joy and relaxation in taking a 3 or 4-day week-end to travel outside of my zip code. Chicago, San Francisco, Chicago, Detroit, Chicago, a select few of America's best small towns.....Chicago. LOL Guess where I'll be bringing in the new year?

A new job! With more money comes greater responsibility. But does it not say that when you are faithful over what little you have, you'll get your chance to be faithful over a more? Well folks, tis true!

~~~~~

I pray that your new year will bring you more joy than you could ask for, more favor than you could imagine, more freedom than you could fathom, and more peace than you know what to do with. Live and be grateful for each blessing. Take nothing for granted. Be kind to those around you. Be available for the Lord to use you. And don't forget to smile, be happy!

I love you guys!!

(Favorite pic of the year. Check out the reflection in the piano! lol)

Majesty

Do you ever just sit and think about how our minds will never fully grasp the concept of God? I mean, we know and understand that He big and awesome and all that, but can we ever really comprehend His reach? I don't think so because its so beyond our experience and language. We can't even verbalize how great He is. He just IS!

Random abstract God thought...sorry

Haven't blogged in forever. I've been pretty busy with work and finishing up school. My new job. One word. Awesome. The money is alright for now. Can't beat the schedule. I don't have to sit in an office all day...or in one place for that matter. I get to work with kids that society has pretty much set up and declared a failure.

Kids who deal with mental disorders on top of dealing with the simple fact of being a kid= my heroes. I work with kids everyday, ages 5 and up who struggle with trying to be like everyone else. No one understands that they think different. No one gets why they can't seem to put a cap on their emotions. No one cares that feel isolated even when in a crowd. Everyone just wants them to sit down and blend in. Stop halting the progress of society. These children happen to be some of the smartest I've ever met. The strength that they have to even continue to try to succeed after what life has dealt them makes them honorable.

I encourage all you folks to get involved some kind of way to help our kids. There are so many who don't have any kind of positive figures in their lives. So many that have been tossed to the side and doped up on medications so they won't be a "disturbance." They need you. They need someone who isn't looking for anything in return. They need a mentor to take them out. Talk to them. Understand them. Pour into them the kinder things of life because when many of them go home, they experience the worst things life has to offer. Volunteer for the Boys and Girls Club. Local church mentoring programs. Big Brothers Big Sisters. DO something!

They are my heros, and I pray that I serve them well.

~~~

Current song thats pullin on my heart strings ♥

Both feet on the ground

I've got like 1 1/2 hours of down time and I just don't know what to do with myself. I never have down time. So why not think good thoughts...let's see. Oh yes, its coming upon the Thanksgiving season quite quickly so in such a spirit I am grateful for...

I'm grateful for peace and joy

I'm grateful for my somewhat new apartment (I've named her Serene) and my new job

I'm grateful for the amazing relationships God has formed in my life and also for those that He has kept even through fire

Thought of the day

Why do we commit good acts for the purpose of hoping others will see? What we do, we do not do for man, but we do for God. He is the rewarder.

A Prayer For Rest

I don't know about you, but over the past 5 years, I've been grinding like there is no tomorrow. I've flown through an undergraduate and graduate program, only to prepare to do it again. I've been working 50-60 hours per week, and on top of that I've been trying to keep up with having some sort of life outside of the mundane obligations of my academic centered life.

We all want to achieve some level of success in our lives. The definition of success of course is different depending on who you ask. Some people consider success as getting married and having children. Some people considered a number of degrees and a 6 figure salary success. Other consider being able to get up in the morning without dreading going to work success. And as born and bred Americans, we've been taught that you do what is necessary to reach that goal. Grind until you can't, then grind some more.

I wonder what would happen if we took ourselves less seriously. I wonder how our lives would change if we realized that the standards we have set for ourselves are strictly self imposed. Did God ever say that you must get your Ph.D.? Did God ever say that you need to own your own home by age 23? All He said was live holy and obey Him. We must have added that extra stuff somewhere along the lines, and now we spend the majority of our time living up to our own standards instead of those that are Gods.

I wonder what would happen if we learned how to sit down and rest.

Father
I pray that you would show your children how to rest
How to be able to step away from things, obligations, and people
And allow time for You to refill us
Revive us Lord
Teach us to set apart time to receive from You
Father You said that in our weakness You are strong
Your children are weary and weak
Stand up and be strong in us Lord
Fill us with Your spirit so we can fulfill what You've called us to do
And give us the wisdom to make the rest secondary to our own health and wellness
Help us to learn how to say no
Help us to learn how to discern if You are calling us to a thing
Our desire is to please You
Help us to realize that having degrees and money is not what pleases You
But it is attending to those You've called us to
Those in distress, the widows, and the orphans
Help us correctly order our priorities so we do not give into stress and frustration
We know that you've freed us from the pressures of this world
We no longer have to pay penance for our short comings to any man
Because Jesus, You are our justification
You have already freed us from the standards set by man
And You now hold us to a standard of love
We give You our worries and concerns
We give You those things that trouble our mind and our bodies
Take them away Lord, and revive us
Show us grace and mercy as we learn our new order of priorities
Be patient with us and don't remove from us Your grace
Because we know that it is by Your hand are we able to do anything

Amen

Soooo I got a new phone the other day, and I really really like it. One downside though. It turns out that many of my numbers weren't saved on the SIM in my old blackberry, soooo I lost a lot of numbers, which is cool. If we talk often enough for me to have your number, you'll call. If not...lol

Alright, so there is it. The Moto Charm. I was hesitant about getting another phone because #1. I loves me blackberry. and #2. I don't want a phone that will be a distraction. You know...like when you should be driving you're playing Guitar Hero or something. Well, I was right. This phone has way too many distractions, applications, games, whatever.

But hey, I'm a business woman now right? Full time gig. I set my own hours. I schedule my own clients. I need a grown up phone...with games, including Snake and NES Aladdin.

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Psalm 127:1

"Except the Lord build this house you labor in vain"

I love this scripture, mostly because it tells me that my independence is useless. Unless I allow the Lord to have free reign and make the decisions in my life, all of my accomplishments, earnings, and possessions are pointless. My work would have been in vain. My hours of studying and working. My efforts of patching up friendships and being less than honest to spare the feelings of others. All of my efforts that I thought were in my best interest and even in the interest of others...in vain.

So here I am trying to let to Lord have His way. I don't want to take the reigns. I don't want to have control. I don't want to be independent of Him. Because if I do, if I have, and if I am, everything I do is in vain.

Lord have your way, build this house