Let Yourself Go!

Caution: Personal blogging ahead!

I told you about my trip to Chicago. It was awesome. Have you further questions, refer to that blog.

Well anyway Godmommy told me something when I was there; "I hold back in worship." HUH?

So we were at church in Chicago and the spirit of God was so heavy. You could not possibly be in that place and not feel His very glory! Well I was in straight worship but I felt like there was a distance between me and Lord still. I don't understand why. I was worshipping. He had my attention...so I thought. Well apparently Pastor Kim caught that up in the spirit because she straight up called me out! "Anjelica! Get on outta there Anjelica. Come here." Yup, she called me to the front of the church. Later after we'd gotten home I asked what the deal was. Why would I have to come outta my row to the front of the church? The response was this: sometimes when you're trying to get to a greater level of worship you've got to remove any hindrances around you. That may require you to physically MOVE yourself and REMOVE some things.

One thing that Pastor Kim always says is "get your mind off of you." I know for me it can be difficult at times to completely let go in worship. Its not that I'm not focusing on God or anything, but I just don't wanna be the last person standing up not realizing that everyone else has moved on! lol *so embarrassing* One more than one occasion (four actually) different people, with no connect, have told me that the Lord wants to take me to another level of worship but fear is holding me back. I didn't quite understand this until very very recently. I'm working on getting my mind off of me.

This past Sunday at my home church was awesome. I feel like I've gotten one step closer in getting my mind off of me and more on the Lord. There were times in worship where I was crying and even wailing so hard that I think I almost threw up (lol...is that normal?). I couldn't help it. The Lord is so amazing, and in those moments all I could feel was His presence. I don't know what the people sitting to my left and my right were doing. I didn't care. I'm not even sure if I knew whether or not the church in general was still in worship. I didn't matter. In those few moments my mind was not on me; I was free.

Later on in the service the Lord led me to get out of my seat and pray, however it was awkward and I didn't want to cuz it was uncomfortable! UGH Well thank you Lord for an extra push because someone else walked up to me and told me to do exactly what the Lord had told me. Why I can't ever seem to listen when God tells me the first time I don't know! Pray fa me lol So I did just that. I got out of my seat and prayed. I let go of the fact that people would look at me funny. I let go of the fact that I didn't really want to and I thought I could just pray quite effectively from my seat. I let go of every hindering thought that exalted itself above what the Lord had said. I got my butt up, walked down to the alter, and prayed. I prayed for exactly what I heard to the Lord tell me to pray for....and something happened. I watched someone get free! I watched someone who carried a burden so heavy get a release. I don't know what that burden was. I don't care what it was...it doesn't matter to me. All I know is that the Lord used the agreement, obedience, and surrender of the saints to break a chain of bondage.

I praise God for that. I praise God for making me uncomfortable. I think the world would be a much better place if we all got this revelation: You do not matter in comparison to the will of God. Realize that unless you and me both obey what the Lord is saying, He will move us out of the way and make room for someone that will say "yes Lord." What I want, what I dream of, what makes me feel good, etc, does not matter unless it is the will of God.

My work in progress: Allow the Holy Spirit to have complete control. In worship, I won't think of anything else but the Lord, not even myself. In everyday life, obey the Lord, period. Who cares if people think you're crazy or they talk about you. Guess what? It doesn't matter. Those people don't have a heaven or hell to put you in. Be obedient to what the Lord is saying to you. Let yourself be led by the Lord.

~An endless work in progress~