The Other Side

On December 12, 2009 I wrote a blog about increasing my faith and becoming closer to God. I told myself that in 2010 I want to walk on water. Well I didn't literally walk on water, I'm still working on that one lol. But I did walk on top of a lot of things I used to think were so deep and uncrossable. Things that seemed to tower far above my courage and abilities. In 2010 I learned something. I will come across a ton of things that will tower over, but out of all these things none will tower over God. I can think of two things in particular that were giants to me. I'll mention one: REJECTION!!!


I was always afraid of being alone, not having someone to talk to. Being disliked by everyone. Being left out. Being forgetten about. I had to face that this year. Not one more year is this thing going to stop me from growing and reaching my goals.


The fear of failure keeps so many people paralyzed. The fear of being alienated keeps so many people from speaking the truth. The fear of coming up short keeps so many people from even starting. Fear fear fear fear fear! If the enemy had one brilliant plan of action against the people of God, it's fear. It stops us in our tracks.


My fear was rejection. I couldn't fathom it. I didn't even want to imagine it. Then one day I decided to go for broke. The whole world could hate me for all I cared. I needed to get in the face of God and disregard everything else. You guys, when I tell you that rejection was my giant, I mean that. It was paralyzing. But like I said, nothing is too big for God. When I told God I wanted to overcome it and would do anything to do just that, it was like he said "alright. Lets get to it!!"


Exactly one year later that giant called rejection doesn't seem like such a giant to me anymore. It's more like a memory. I can remember the feelings it had caused me at one point. I remember the tears it pulled up from somewhere inside. I remember the anger I felt because I felt rejected. Thank God for deliverance and freedom! Thank God for hearing my prayer. Thank God for loving me enough to take me through it to get me out. I guess He really does love me too much to leave me as I am. A glorious mess.


So 2011. I wonder what giants will be tackled this year. I wonder what God has in store. I honestly can't imagine because 2010 held so much more than I could have ever expected. I won't even try to speculate about 2011. All I can is Lord, do whatever you want. I'll do my best to go along with you, leaning not to my own understanding.


2011....STILL walking on water!!! STILL tackling these ugly faced, cross eyed giants.


As someone once told me, and I've found to be quite fitting. "See you on the other side."

♥Walkin on water

2011???!!! WT...

So it is upon on. Another year. Another chance to evaluate your progress of the last 12 months. How did you do?

Well, I completed all my coursework for my Master's program. That's something huh? I really liked Lipscomb, however my time there was short, and therefor did not get a chance to form any long lasting ties with the school. But my experience there was great. From professors whose favorite word was "trick" in the street walker sense of the word to the Christmas tree lighting ceremony to the Jason's Deli they feed the graduate students during finals.

I had some spiritual reconstructive surgery. Wasn't all that enjoyable, but the results I must say made it worth it. I guess I never really understood freedom until I had a taste of it. The amazing sense of being weighed down by nothing when you wake up in the morning. The discreet appearance of a smile or no reason in particular other than the vision of the sky, or random people walking down the street, or thoughts of how blessed you really are. Relationships that are stress free and honest. All of this stuff came through a bit of a painful process, but gold must be refined, yes?

I got bit by the travel bug a bit this year. I've discovered what is known to the common man as a "week-ender" in the non-sexual sense of the word. I found much joy and relaxation in taking a 3 or 4-day week-end to travel outside of my zip code. Chicago, San Francisco, Chicago, Detroit, Chicago, a select few of America's best small towns.....Chicago. LOL Guess where I'll be bringing in the new year?

A new job! With more money comes greater responsibility. But does it not say that when you are faithful over what little you have, you'll get your chance to be faithful over a more? Well folks, tis true!

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I pray that your new year will bring you more joy than you could ask for, more favor than you could imagine, more freedom than you could fathom, and more peace than you know what to do with. Live and be grateful for each blessing. Take nothing for granted. Be kind to those around you. Be available for the Lord to use you. And don't forget to smile, be happy!

I love you guys!!

(Favorite pic of the year. Check out the reflection in the piano! lol)

Majesty

Do you ever just sit and think about how our minds will never fully grasp the concept of God? I mean, we know and understand that He big and awesome and all that, but can we ever really comprehend His reach? I don't think so because its so beyond our experience and language. We can't even verbalize how great He is. He just IS!

Random abstract God thought...sorry

Haven't blogged in forever. I've been pretty busy with work and finishing up school. My new job. One word. Awesome. The money is alright for now. Can't beat the schedule. I don't have to sit in an office all day...or in one place for that matter. I get to work with kids that society has pretty much set up and declared a failure.

Kids who deal with mental disorders on top of dealing with the simple fact of being a kid= my heroes. I work with kids everyday, ages 5 and up who struggle with trying to be like everyone else. No one understands that they think different. No one gets why they can't seem to put a cap on their emotions. No one cares that feel isolated even when in a crowd. Everyone just wants them to sit down and blend in. Stop halting the progress of society. These children happen to be some of the smartest I've ever met. The strength that they have to even continue to try to succeed after what life has dealt them makes them honorable.

I encourage all you folks to get involved some kind of way to help our kids. There are so many who don't have any kind of positive figures in their lives. So many that have been tossed to the side and doped up on medications so they won't be a "disturbance." They need you. They need someone who isn't looking for anything in return. They need a mentor to take them out. Talk to them. Understand them. Pour into them the kinder things of life because when many of them go home, they experience the worst things life has to offer. Volunteer for the Boys and Girls Club. Local church mentoring programs. Big Brothers Big Sisters. DO something!

They are my heros, and I pray that I serve them well.

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Current song thats pullin on my heart strings ♥

Both feet on the ground

I've got like 1 1/2 hours of down time and I just don't know what to do with myself. I never have down time. So why not think good thoughts...let's see. Oh yes, its coming upon the Thanksgiving season quite quickly so in such a spirit I am grateful for...

I'm grateful for peace and joy

I'm grateful for my somewhat new apartment (I've named her Serene) and my new job

I'm grateful for the amazing relationships God has formed in my life and also for those that He has kept even through fire

Thought of the day

Why do we commit good acts for the purpose of hoping others will see? What we do, we do not do for man, but we do for God. He is the rewarder.

A Prayer For Rest

I don't know about you, but over the past 5 years, I've been grinding like there is no tomorrow. I've flown through an undergraduate and graduate program, only to prepare to do it again. I've been working 50-60 hours per week, and on top of that I've been trying to keep up with having some sort of life outside of the mundane obligations of my academic centered life.

We all want to achieve some level of success in our lives. The definition of success of course is different depending on who you ask. Some people consider success as getting married and having children. Some people considered a number of degrees and a 6 figure salary success. Other consider being able to get up in the morning without dreading going to work success. And as born and bred Americans, we've been taught that you do what is necessary to reach that goal. Grind until you can't, then grind some more.

I wonder what would happen if we took ourselves less seriously. I wonder how our lives would change if we realized that the standards we have set for ourselves are strictly self imposed. Did God ever say that you must get your Ph.D.? Did God ever say that you need to own your own home by age 23? All He said was live holy and obey Him. We must have added that extra stuff somewhere along the lines, and now we spend the majority of our time living up to our own standards instead of those that are Gods.

I wonder what would happen if we learned how to sit down and rest.

Father
I pray that you would show your children how to rest
How to be able to step away from things, obligations, and people
And allow time for You to refill us
Revive us Lord
Teach us to set apart time to receive from You
Father You said that in our weakness You are strong
Your children are weary and weak
Stand up and be strong in us Lord
Fill us with Your spirit so we can fulfill what You've called us to do
And give us the wisdom to make the rest secondary to our own health and wellness
Help us to learn how to say no
Help us to learn how to discern if You are calling us to a thing
Our desire is to please You
Help us to realize that having degrees and money is not what pleases You
But it is attending to those You've called us to
Those in distress, the widows, and the orphans
Help us correctly order our priorities so we do not give into stress and frustration
We know that you've freed us from the pressures of this world
We no longer have to pay penance for our short comings to any man
Because Jesus, You are our justification
You have already freed us from the standards set by man
And You now hold us to a standard of love
We give You our worries and concerns
We give You those things that trouble our mind and our bodies
Take them away Lord, and revive us
Show us grace and mercy as we learn our new order of priorities
Be patient with us and don't remove from us Your grace
Because we know that it is by Your hand are we able to do anything

Amen

Soooo I got a new phone the other day, and I really really like it. One downside though. It turns out that many of my numbers weren't saved on the SIM in my old blackberry, soooo I lost a lot of numbers, which is cool. If we talk often enough for me to have your number, you'll call. If not...lol

Alright, so there is it. The Moto Charm. I was hesitant about getting another phone because #1. I loves me blackberry. and #2. I don't want a phone that will be a distraction. You know...like when you should be driving you're playing Guitar Hero or something. Well, I was right. This phone has way too many distractions, applications, games, whatever.

But hey, I'm a business woman now right? Full time gig. I set my own hours. I schedule my own clients. I need a grown up phone...with games, including Snake and NES Aladdin.

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Psalm 127:1

"Except the Lord build this house you labor in vain"

I love this scripture, mostly because it tells me that my independence is useless. Unless I allow the Lord to have free reign and make the decisions in my life, all of my accomplishments, earnings, and possessions are pointless. My work would have been in vain. My hours of studying and working. My efforts of patching up friendships and being less than honest to spare the feelings of others. All of my efforts that I thought were in my best interest and even in the interest of others...in vain.

So here I am trying to let to Lord have His way. I don't want to take the reigns. I don't want to have control. I don't want to be independent of Him. Because if I do, if I have, and if I am, everything I do is in vain.

Lord have your way, build this house

Undeserving

Sometimes I think too much about too little and get lost in thoughts that seems to drag on but never reach their conclusion.

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I am undeserving of everything that I have
I have not earned a thing
Even on my best day, my righteousness is nothing
There isn't anything I've ever done to earn
His grace
His love
His forgiveness
His salvation
His life
His hand
His face
The moment God breathed life into my lifeless body
The moment God saved my unworthy soul
The moments God rescued me from self destruction
All of these things are gifts

Who am I to judge another? Who am I to tell someone else in anything but love that they are on the wrong path? No one. And who are you?

We have got to learn how to walk in love. Stop looking at people as if your thoughts and feelings toward them affect anything. We have to learn that instead of hurting one another with our words, our side glances, and our cold hearts, we have got to reach out in the love of Christ. This was God's gift to us. How selfish and cruel to hold it captive from another. Don't you know that this is why we are all here? Not to reach the status quo. Not to achieve our dreams. But to show the love of Christ even when it hurts. And most of the time it does hurt. It should. But this is our burden and our cross. Jesus took everything else.

Give the love of Christ to everyone you meet. It was given to you.

Colossians 2:1-3