Peace Like A River

I was talking to a friend of mine earlier about...well, it's hard to say. She was just saying how sometimes she feels like she's not existing. I think I've been struggling with that as well. And then I remember that all things are working for my good. Sometimes I feel that I am just going through the motions and quoting things like Romans 8:28 help me get through the day a little better, but tomorrow will be just another day in which I have to find a scripture or something to lift my blue spirit.

Sometimes it's like I'm suspended in mid-air, waiting.

...Waiting for something to happen.

...Waiting for something to change.

...Waiting to know what to do next.

But while waiting I've got to be sure my time is not idle. Waiting does not meaning wasting. I have to remember to grow in my times of waiting. It is then when I realize that this waiting is so essential to becoming. I look around and realize that I have to take advantage of this time when things are not moving so fast. This is the time for development. And you know, I'm thankful for this time. Instead of being thrown into a the middle of the life, I'm given this time to prepare, so that when change happens, its a time of grace and peace.

~Peace Like A River

I finally got a chance to catch up with an undergraduate advisor of mine; Mimi. It was so good just being able to sit and talk with her. I've missed her sooo much. While I was in undergrad Mimi was such an influence. She was extremely strict and loving at the same time. Although she could be quite blunt and direct with me, at the same time I just knew that she was teaching me. She was trying to give me wisdom in increments I could handle. And when I paid her a visit I realized that she did just that. If there was one person who influenced me the most over the past 3 years, it was Mimi. Her grace and wisdom gave me such an model to look at. Even now after graduation I can just go to her office, sit across from her, and share my heart. And it's almost like she sees past what I am saying. She does not get caught up in the emotion of a situation. God has given me such favor through Mimi; kind and gentle wisdom

~Peace Like A River

This blog has actually been in the works for like 4 days. I started it and then just stopped to do other things, so at this moment I am picking it up. Thanksgiving was great. I decided to take and entire week off of work and reLAX. And I did just that. I slept in nearly every day. I went to bed whenever I felt like it. I watched a lot of tv. I ate a lot. The best thing: I spent time with my friends and family.

Thanksgiving day I chilled with my mom. She cooked, I ate..lol. I just hung with her a talked a bit. She has been goin through a hard time so it was nice to just sit next to her for no real reason except just to be there. Well after a couple of hours mommy dearest went into retreat mode, so I left. I'll have to explain more about this in a later blog. All I'm saying now is that I am believing God for yet another miracle. And I truly do believe!

~Peace Like A River

I spent the rest of Thanksgiving (well, Thanksgiving Day, the day before, and the day after) with my buds Sophie, Sabrina, AJ, and LaTricia. It's amazing how God will place the right people in your life at the right time and for the right amount of time. God shows His favor to me through people and I love it. We didn't do much. Chilled. Watched a Beyonce DVD like 40 times. Threw in a little Cece and Tonex. Ate. I guess we just enjoyed each others company since we didn't go home.

I read this book while I was over there front to back and it was just about Heaven. It was about what it would look like, who would be there, how one would feel upon arrival. Just all this stuff and of course no one can really know Heaven in its entirety until ya get there, but this painted a pretty picture. The book was pretty good but it was really the message behind the book that spoke to me:

We go through all this stuff here on earth. We struggle to pay our bills. We struggle to maintain relationships. We struggle to achieve our academic and professional goals. And I just thought, after all this, Anjelica, how much do you struggle to know God? Now, no get it twisted. I do love God and I do want to know Him more tomorrow than I do today. My recent prayer has been to increase my desire for Him. And without my knowledge, God began to do that the moment I spoke it. Of course we desire God. Who wouldn't want to know someone so great and mighty?! But when I prayed that prayer for an increased desire, I was praying from a different kind of place. I want to WANT God more than I want my next breath. I want to WANT God more than I want anything else in this world. I want to WANT God more than I want His blessings and benefits.

I was made in such a way that I am fulfilled by relationships. Things are nice and pretty and shiny...whatever. Things are great. But it's not things that touch me, it's time. It's the giving of something that you can't ever get back. And I was just asking God why in the WORLD would you make me like that?! Seriously, cuz I could really just turn out to be a really annoying, nagging, time consuming person ya know? Then He said..."YOU were meant to give of yourself what YOU can never get back. YOUR time. YOUR love. YOUR heart. And I will fulfill that need that I created in you. And you can continue to give of yourself as I continue give you Myself."

I was made to want God sooo much that I can't stand it if I don't have Him. I can't function. I'm not happy. I can't communicate. I can't chill out. I just can't without Him. He made me that way. And so when I prayed for an increased desire for Him I was simply coming into agreement with Him. So these days things are great. Relationships are great. But the one thing I desire most is communion with God. My desire for Him has increased so, and so my capacity for Him has also increased as a result. You cannot completely receive what you do not completely want. I cannot wait for God to reveal more and more of Himself to me, and I to Him. This was my prayer.

~Peace Like A River