August 27

So what's up with you?

Oh me?? Well I guess this is my blog. Well...nothing. Ok, some things, but I'm not having a very good time dealing with most of them.



#1. School. I am now attend David Lipscomb University for my Masters in Counseling. I know at the beginning of this blog I said I wasn't having a good time dealing with most of my life's event right now but you know what? I enjoy school. It's something I'm very good at. I'm great at reading, remembering, discussing, comprehending, and evaluating different theories of practice in Psychology. I sooo LOVE Lipscomb. It's a complete turn-around from MTSU. First off, I think I had ONE Christian Psych professor at MTSU. I mean, nearly all of them proclaimed to not believe in God. I guess when you see the worst parts of humanity it challenges every part of you. Well at Lipscomb, these people believe in God. On the first day we had a debate on whether or not a Christian should practice couples therapy on homosexual couples. I LOVE IT. I can't wait to step on some toes over at Lipscomb!! HAHA, jk. Y'all know I'm a hard core Christ lover, but never will I miss an opportunity to minister because John and Jane Doe aren't living the way my bible says they should. I mean dang...I ain't there yet either. My profs are encouraging us to figure out who we will be as counselors. What types of techniques will we use? What population(s) will we see? Will we even counsel, or be in administration or academia? I believe as far as Psychology goes, I'll be a counselor for teens and young adults. I think I'm gonna be that type of counselor who brings herself without the flashy degree to her sessions. I mean, let's face it. Most counselors think that just because they have some degrees, they're better at life. NOPE. Not a fact. In fact, most Psychologists see Psychologists on a weekly basis for their issues. I'm going into this field with my imperfect self, to give of myself and to learn from the people I see. So after this semester I'll have three more. December 2010 here I come!!! I plan on going for my doctorate...but Ima take that as it comes.



#2. Every day life. Lately it's been hard for me to find that "for no reason except I'm a child of God" joy. I mean...I have my good and GREAT days, and then I'll have a day like this. A day that I could take or leave. These days usually include me reflecting on my relationships with other people, reflecting on the money I'm spending on school, reflecting on why I am not where I want to be. I know, I'm only 21. But still...I have the same dreams and desires of a 31 year old (mostly), except I haven't had the time to achieve them. It seems like time is moving so fast sometimes, but I am going nowhere. I just have to keep reminding myself that God has a plan, and if I'm walking in His will, I'll get to where He purposed for me to be, even if it does seem like I'm moving in slow motion. But hey, 1 day to the Lord is like 10,000 to you and me. Lately my relationships with some people have been strained. Not necessarily in a bad way. I mean, all things work for the good of those who love God, so of course there is purpose. BUT, I hate feeling like I put a lot into relationships and receive very little in return. I've felt this way with family and friends for the past year and I'm thinking #1. Maybe I expect too much from people. #2. Maybe I just need to get away and figure my own self out for a while. #3. Maybe I'm still acting as if I'm incapable of trusting others. I'm leaning towards #3, followed closely by #1, then #2 is around the corner. Lord...work...on...me!


#3. My mom. So my mom is having surgery here soon. There is a strong possibility of throat cancer (her results came back inconclusive 3 times!!) so she is getting her thyroid removed. The doctors won't know the severity of it all until she is actually on the operating table. When the doc first told me this I slick got a little attitude like..."why the HECK you gotta wait til you cut her open to find out whats up? Is this not 2000 and freakin 9 doc??" Then I have to remember, medicine has limitations. They are not magicians, and they are not gods. They are humans who do the best they can do with all the knowledge of the human body they have. The rest is God. I'm having a time with all of this because ever since I was super little I've had this crazy fear that my mom would die. I mean...if my mom went away for a while I'd imagine the worst possible thing that could happen. I actually remember thinking when I was about 12 that the day my mom dies, I want to die too, cuz I won't be able to take it. We have gone through close periods and not so close periods (at the time, we're closer than I think we've ever been). But when I look around, my mom is the only constant person walking on this Earth that I have. I don't know my father. My grandma is 88 and unfortunately unable to come to my rescue at times. My grandfather, 6 aunts and uncles, and innumerable cousins don't really know me. So that's it. My God, my mom, and me. That's all I really seem to have when it comes down to it. Now, don't think I'm minimizing God's presence in my life, I'm not. But I love to have relationships. I love to be able to talk without having to fear that what I say will end up on somebodys facebook page somewhere. So it's been kinda hard. Like I said before, Lord...work...on...me!! Ok...so I have a couple bffs. 2, to be exact, but it's still hard because I haven't learned to completely trust, especially as of lately. SO yup...prayer this way please! :)



#4. Academics vs. dreams. I have always dreamed of being a musician. Seriously folks, if I could just play worship music every single day my life would be great. Blu21 had a GREAT time last Sunday in youth service at church. It was awesome. I want that every day!! From a young age, I've been very logical (maybe this is why it's hard for me to trust. It's quite illogical to trust anyone but yourself right??). So I had to pick a "career" path. I chose Psychology. Now I love it. I love people. I love studying people. I love learning from people. So if I HAD to choose a real "career" I'd be a Psychologist. But man...that day when I get the opportunity to live my dream...these textbooks and me gon have a bon fire to rival all bon fires.






#5. I miss my friends. I just ended a summer of complete joy. I saw Bebe and Cece in concert(actually I think I saw Cece like 3 or 4 times this summer lol). I went to Jamaica. Took some great road trips. Made some great friends. Graduated from college. And now the season has ended. It's always sooo hard for me to get back to business. Why can't I just take road trips and chill all day everyday? This is why God saw it fit for me not to be any kind of heiress with a ridiculous trust fund...Anjelica Crawford would not be doing to much...except for road trips and chillin. Summer 2009 has been my best!


Current favorite scriptures. Psalm 27 and Matthew 11. Psalm 27 calms every fear that I have...at least for a while. It's simply says no matter what I face, who I face, how lonely I get, the Lord will receive me. Thank you Jesus. Matthew 11. I am currently learning to learn OF Jesus. To come to Him for rest. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. What a life to live. Like I said....I'm learning.


Writing this blog has made me feel a little better about the day. I guess I just needed to work through some of the stuff that was making it's way through my head to put it in some kind of perspective.







Oh yea...tomorrow's my bday. Am I excited???!!!!!!! No. I kinda feel like I did around graduation time. I'm just not that into celebrations for me. I'd rather go to other peoples parties...

Alright...later





Call me...you know my name by now.