A Day in the Mind

ok...so it's like 6pm and I'm at work. I'm so busy with my occupational duties right now that I'm writing a blog. Yup...my job is something serious.

Today started with me waking up and feelin a bit weird. Let's see...Me, Stix, and AJ were going on a lil house hunt. Yes, ladies and gents we are looking to rent a house. At first I had mixed feelings about it...idk. It was like...I just really want to make the right move. I've had some bad experiences in the past with the choices I've made concerning housing. I moved quite a wayz away from my friends and my school about a year ago. At the time I felt like I needed to get to know God a little more and some things that were going on around me were distracting me...I allowed them to. So I moved. Since then I had a roomie that made my life a living H-E-double hockey sticks. I mean...she was so miserable that I was miserable. Folie a duex. The crazy thing is...no one should be able to MAKE you miserable. So once I decided that I am too blessed and loved to be actin all depressed all the time...I bucked up and she didn't like it. So she moved.

PEACE OUT HOME SLICE!!

Then one of my best friends thought she may be moving in and I felt cool with it immediately. I mean...me and this girl had only been close for a short period of time. I really don't know how we got all that close...but hey...I thank God for her. Yup, it's STIX! She moved in and it's been great. She is seriously one of the two best roomies I've ever had (Whit...ur the other:) I trust her. So maybe that's why I was hesitant about adding to that equation.

But I prayed about it

and got quiet about it...

and now I've got some peace about it.

I love how God places the people you need in your life. SO...AJ, STIX, and Jel aka Broadway (thanx aj!) are house hunting...and i'm pumped!!

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So then the members of Blu21 (lol stix and me...I just like saying "the members of Blu21" ok??) were talkin about this next gig and we both have this heaviness about it. At first I was like...God, do you want us to do this?? I've been praying and praying and being still. I now believe that God wants us to be still so He can move. This is sooo not just "another gig." God is gonna move if we can just get out the way. So Lord..."none of me, all of you." I still feel a bit heavy, but its okay. It's not a dreadful feeling, I just know that God has a plan here...so I'm just gonna move my lil self out the way.

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OK...I've been having this issue right. I hate it when people are not honest with me. It hurts. It's like..."nope, I don't respect you enough to give you honesty, so take what I give you." I don't think that is a healthy way to look at it because as Stix spoke so elequently..."we're all liars, whether we want to admit it or not." That is sooo true, so why does it still hurt when people are not honest with me??? I hate it...I wish I just didn't care. Am I really that sensitive?? LOL I think that I just equate respect and love with honesty. Is that so warped??? I really need to get over this...let people be people.

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Also...Jamaica does not appear to be in the cards for me. When I first heard about an opportunity for this mission trip to Jamaice I was excited. I wasn't like...OMG OMG OMG I"M SOOOO EXCITED!! But still...I was pretty pumped. Only...I didn't have the money to go :( So I was like...God if its in your plans for me to go...I know you'll make a way. Well weeks later, after repeating this cycle of worrying, letting go and letting God, worrying, letting go and letting God, I've arrived. It doesn't look like I'm going...and that's okay. More than anything...I want to be where my Father wants me. So Lord, if ya want me there, there is where I'll be. Stix and Whit Whit are goin and I'm sooo excited!! I'm super excited for Whit because I want for her to get outta TN so bad cuz I know thats what she wants. She's bigger than her environment. (I'll have to tell you about Whit a little later...and trust me...there's plenty to tell LOL). I'm excited for Stix because this is going to give her an opportunity to be a leader and a minister. She's gonna come back changed! Thank you God. My first time out of the U.S., I was changed. My eyes were so much bigger when I came back. It's gonna be that and sooo much more for them because this is not JUST a trip...it a mission, an opportunity to spread the Gospel and fellowship with like-minded God-loving people. I'm so grateful for them.

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I just finished the most amazing book ever..."The Secret Place." It changed me. It's hard to describe..but it made me want to be closer to God. So throughout that book I would pray, read, pray, read, pray, read, pray. That book spoke so much life...it was filled with the word of God and it forced you to reference it. I love reading about how others become closer to God cuz I'm like...dang...God I want you to talk to me like that. I'm tellin you...amazing. I have also been reading the book of Revelation and finished it on the same day as I finished The Secret Place. God really speaks to me through His words. He knows that I am an intellectual and can be all too logical, so He puts it in black and white right before my eyes...He knows me(Psalm 139:1-5)

So...this is all that went on in my head today...and it's only like 6:45. I wonder the next 5 hours will bring.

Until next time,

CaLl Me jeL