My Graduation Experience: Beauty for Ashes

SO I have graduated from college!!!

I have not really publicized the fact that I was graduating because...well, I'm not sure. It's not that I wasn't happy about it. But I wasn't feeling that excitement that most college graduates feel. I have had to make some really tough decisions lately about my present life and future, and on top of that, family drama still remains, and on top of that I have felt so worn and stretched these past weeks or maybe even months. I wanted to be as thrilled as other people seemed to be for me, but I wasn't.

A few weeks before graduation my grandmother and I had planned for her to come down (she lives 700 miles away) and attend. I haven't seen her in a year and I miss her sooo much. I may have been more excited to see her than to have been graduating. SO I was thrilled when I finally found her a non-stop flight after what was almost a month of ticket browsing. A week before her flight she tells me that she can't go. I won't go into the reasons why, but I was devastated. The night I found out, Stix and I went to this concert and I could barely hear the music because I was so sad. I wasn't going to see my grandma. I wanted to cry. I did cry. I cried and cried and cried.

"Your family probably won't be there for some of your biggest moments," someone told me. WHAT?!! Why the heck not?!! These are the people I want to share these moments with. Okay, so not my whole family, but my grandma at least. I wanted her to be there so bad. So after being depressed about the thing for the night, I got up the next day and said "hey. She's not gonna be there. You're still graduating. Keep going."

As the days drew nearer I still was not feeling extremely excited, but more so than before. The night before graduation I went to an event called Prophetic Activation and LOVED IT. I prayed and prayed and received a prophesy that was so on point I couldn't believe it. It was so deep and real to me that for a moment I could not even stand. I sat and just listened to God as the tears flowed.

You know what?! I have cried more over the past 4 weeks than I may have cried in my entire life! What is goin on?!

Anywayz, I just sat and listened to God speak. I can't believe how my love for Him has grown. It went from loving Him because I was suppose to, to loving Him because He is so good, to loving Him because He is God and He is everything and He is all that I will ever need and He is all that you will ever need.

Whooo, thank you God!

So after I left Prophetic Activation the ladies (MSK) decided to come over for a bit. I was on the phone when I walked in and everyone was already there. I was talking to my mom and it was like everyone got quiet so I was slick trying to get her off the phone. I sat down on the chair of this $30 couch (yes honey, $30 LOL) and had to do a DOUBLE TAKE. These beautiful women of God had graduation gifts laid out for me all over that couch and balloons and cards. I could NOT believe it.

I had been feeling soo bad because I could not seem to be as excited for this event as they were, and I felt ashamed to feel like that. I mean, everyone does not get this opportunity. Everyone does not walk across that stage. How dare I NOT feel anything but overwhelming joy and gratefulness! SO to look over and see that they looked past all of that and celebrated me and loved on me...!! I wanted to cry. I couldn't even read to cards because I didn't want to sit there and cry in front of everyone. So I smiled through my fullness and thanked everyone through my state of being overwhelmed. They have no idea what that did for me.

After a while they all left to get food and I read each of those cards...TWICE. Yup, I cried. See?! That's why I didn't read them in front of everyone. I KNEW that was gonna happen. When they told me all they had to go through to get all of that done, I could NOT believe it.

Whitney (someone I call a true friend and sister. Luv ya Whit!) told me that when they were looking for these specific items, they refused to settle. They found every color pump except for the color they knew I wanted and they KEPT looking!! She said they kept saying that they would not do this for anyone but me. Even now I am overtaken with the simple and complicated fact that the Lord has blessed me with the most beautiful group of young ladies as friends....no, sisters. I love each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart. I still can't believe you all did that. It was the biggest surprise..Stix...you could have given me a hint or sumn lol.

In fact, let me tell you a lil bit of what they did;

I did not have a graduation outfit. I did not have the energy and time to shop for an outfit for graduation. On my $30 couch laid a black and white strapless dress, yellow pumps, and yellow earrings (among other gifts and cards). They took the time to care.

I LOVE YOU GIRLS!!

Some of my family came down, but I have to say that over all, the ladies of MSK showing me how much they cared made my entire graduation experience. I will never forget it and I thank God for each of you.

Shout out to Mimi: Your knowledge and stories over the years continue to reveal new things to me as I grow. Your words are timeless, as they speak new things to me as I come to know more about more and the one I love; God.

Shout out to Tamara: Knowing you has made me better. God is showing me so much about myself through your words and your actions. You make me want to know HIM more. One day I'll find the courage to actually tell you what you've done...but you KNOW I hate to cry :)

What can I say? God has favored me beyond belief. Beyond what I could have asked for.

Word of the day: (Actually folks, this is gonna be a phrase of the day):
God had NO LIMITS. I don't care what your natural eyes may see; God can make everything out of nothing. He can turn your gray sky into straight up blinding sunlight.

Beauty for Ashes Isaiah 61:3

CaLl Me JeL