Everything in Worship

Yesterday (Wednesday) was a great day. I started the day at work. You know...it's hard for me to get up at like 5:30a to be at work by 7a and I always have to catch myself because you know...I HAVE a job. God has allowed me the comfort and security of having a paycheck...so nope, no more complaining.

Okay so after work I got home around 4 and I planned to take a nap ,wake up at 6 and head to bible study which starts at 7 (I was leaving myself plenty of time to relax). Well...I got up at like 6:40! I cannot make it on time to bible study for nothing man. Granted, I was only like 5 minutes late, but STILL. One day Lord..one day. After bible study Renee, Stix, and I planned to cook breakfast at the apt, and we invited some folks from church (Sabrina, Melissa, and Sophie). So I rushed home and cleaned up like a mad woman. I'm talkin bout...I ain't never cleaned so fast in my life. I did the dishes, semi-cleaned my room, vacuumed, Lysoled the kitchen...all in like 17 1/2 minutes. Then Sabrina arrived, followed by Melissa. We of course began to act a fool and chat it up like we usually do. Renee and I began to cook...you can check out the menu of Stix's page http://stixndamix.blogspot.com/.

Then I was like..."where's Sophie??" You see, Sophie is my adopted play mother...actually I was given to her (still not quite sure what that means LOL). So Sabrina told her to come...and I'm glad she did. This was actually my first time chillin with her...although it kinda feels like I've known her for a while. Sidenote: You know what I love about Sophie?? She is SUCH a worshipper. I know that term can be thrown around becaue it sounds so good, but fa real, she is so surrendered in worship. Love it!! SO...guess what we did next. Yup, ate and watch a Cece DVD (deliver me Lord LOL). We watched Live in the Throne Room. It's been waaaayy too long since I've seen like...like...a month LOL. That is just one of those DVDs I need to watch at least once every few months. ("I need it I need it I need it") It got to a part where Cece was in straight worship and her words were simple but powerful..."Jesus You're Beautiful." I LOVE IT. That part always pulls me in. Apparently that part will pull in just about anybody. I looked to my left...Sophie; worshipping. I looked to my right...Sabrina, Stix; worshipping. I looked straight ahead...AJ; semi-sleep. I looked to my far right...Melissa; expressionless. LOL Well....hey, not everybody.

Then everything was winding down but I remembered that I was told Sabrina about this combination of songs that we put together, one is an original, one is not. So we began to play "Like oil upon your feet..." and then we transitioned into "God I love you" and then something just fell. Nope...God fell. We began to worship. Stix and I were playing and I was singing "I'm nothing without you, incomplete without you." Then Sophie asked if she could join..."why yes Sophie..please" LOL. Then THIS girl decided to TAKE US IN the throne room honey. I'm talkin bout Lord Jesus. She just began to sing about how she needed God and how she can't breathe without Him. Then Sabrina began to sing...thank you God. God straight up put a song in Sabrina that she HAD to get out...and she did folks. Beautiful.

Ok....last night Sophie was like she didn't really care for her voice. I was like..."huh?!!" This girl is straight trippin. All I could really tell her was her voice is AMAZING, and there was really nothing else to say. Girl can sang.."Just like the water..."

Back to the worship party:

We WORSHIPED. We said YES. Then I just began to cry. I'm talkin bout tears runnin down my face cryin. God is so amazing. He steps out of eternity to visit some young ladies in a little apartment and bless us with His presence. He is so awesome and loving. I need Him so much and I love it. I don't like to need people because its like it signals a weakness in me or something and it makes me uncomfortable...but my God I need you!! I can't breathe or think or love without you. I give you every part of me. EVERY part.

And you know what made last night even greater??? God blessed me with other young ladies with whom I could experience His presence. I have never been able to feel comfortable enough around people to the point where I can just let go and be completely transparent. I don't know if it is because I care what other people think or I just don't trust other people with personal things that are close to my heart. As of lately I've learned to trust God enough to allow myself to be transparent so that He can use me. I mean seriously, 6 months ago you would not know a personal THING about me, simply because I have made being guarded into an art. I'm talkin bout I have know people my entire life that really don't know much about me. Growing up, there are things that I have never told a soul, and only recently have I been able to share some of those things with my best girls (whit and stix). But don't you know that if you trust God with all of you, things begin to shift and you are made to be more like Him everyday?? GLORY GOD!! God has really done a work in me AND placed the right people in my life at the right time. Last night I can say I did not even think to cover up what I was feeling. I allowed my tears to flow. I allowed my heart to be as God's heart. I was His and He was mine. That's what I want for BLU21. I want to be able to worship with restraint no matter who is there. God deserves that.

I really wish that I could explain to you in words how it feels to be completely wrapped up in God. To not think of another thing but how good He is and how much I need Him. To not worry about anything going on in my life because He is bigger than everything else put together times 2. How if this was my very last day on earth, I'd want to use it to glorify God and be in His perfect will, so that others would see how great He is and begin to love Him more than anything (Matthew 5:16-17). But I can't. I can't worship for anyone else. I can't explain to you how it feels when He fills me and encompasses me. So if you cannot relate to what I am saying and you want to, go to God. Ask Him to show Himself to you as you are transparent and honest before Him. He wants to you to know how it feels. He wants you to hear from Him.

I find everything I have ever needed and ever wanted in worship.

I see God in worship and that is where I find myself.

CaLl Me HIS