The Other Side

On December 12, 2009 I wrote a blog about increasing my faith and becoming closer to God. I told myself that in 2010 I want to walk on water. Well I didn't literally walk on water, I'm still working on that one lol. But I did walk on top of a lot of things I used to think were so deep and uncrossable. Things that seemed to tower far above my courage and abilities. In 2010 I learned something. I will come across a ton of things that will tower over, but out of all these things none will tower over God. I can think of two things in particular that were giants to me. I'll mention one: REJECTION!!!


I was always afraid of being alone, not having someone to talk to. Being disliked by everyone. Being left out. Being forgetten about. I had to face that this year. Not one more year is this thing going to stop me from growing and reaching my goals.


The fear of failure keeps so many people paralyzed. The fear of being alienated keeps so many people from speaking the truth. The fear of coming up short keeps so many people from even starting. Fear fear fear fear fear! If the enemy had one brilliant plan of action against the people of God, it's fear. It stops us in our tracks.


My fear was rejection. I couldn't fathom it. I didn't even want to imagine it. Then one day I decided to go for broke. The whole world could hate me for all I cared. I needed to get in the face of God and disregard everything else. You guys, when I tell you that rejection was my giant, I mean that. It was paralyzing. But like I said, nothing is too big for God. When I told God I wanted to overcome it and would do anything to do just that, it was like he said "alright. Lets get to it!!"


Exactly one year later that giant called rejection doesn't seem like such a giant to me anymore. It's more like a memory. I can remember the feelings it had caused me at one point. I remember the tears it pulled up from somewhere inside. I remember the anger I felt because I felt rejected. Thank God for deliverance and freedom! Thank God for hearing my prayer. Thank God for loving me enough to take me through it to get me out. I guess He really does love me too much to leave me as I am. A glorious mess.


So 2011. I wonder what giants will be tackled this year. I wonder what God has in store. I honestly can't imagine because 2010 held so much more than I could have ever expected. I won't even try to speculate about 2011. All I can is Lord, do whatever you want. I'll do my best to go along with you, leaning not to my own understanding.


2011....STILL walking on water!!! STILL tackling these ugly faced, cross eyed giants.


As someone once told me, and I've found to be quite fitting. "See you on the other side."

♥Walkin on water

2011???!!! WT...

So it is upon on. Another year. Another chance to evaluate your progress of the last 12 months. How did you do?

Well, I completed all my coursework for my Master's program. That's something huh? I really liked Lipscomb, however my time there was short, and therefor did not get a chance to form any long lasting ties with the school. But my experience there was great. From professors whose favorite word was "trick" in the street walker sense of the word to the Christmas tree lighting ceremony to the Jason's Deli they feed the graduate students during finals.

I had some spiritual reconstructive surgery. Wasn't all that enjoyable, but the results I must say made it worth it. I guess I never really understood freedom until I had a taste of it. The amazing sense of being weighed down by nothing when you wake up in the morning. The discreet appearance of a smile or no reason in particular other than the vision of the sky, or random people walking down the street, or thoughts of how blessed you really are. Relationships that are stress free and honest. All of this stuff came through a bit of a painful process, but gold must be refined, yes?

I got bit by the travel bug a bit this year. I've discovered what is known to the common man as a "week-ender" in the non-sexual sense of the word. I found much joy and relaxation in taking a 3 or 4-day week-end to travel outside of my zip code. Chicago, San Francisco, Chicago, Detroit, Chicago, a select few of America's best small towns.....Chicago. LOL Guess where I'll be bringing in the new year?

A new job! With more money comes greater responsibility. But does it not say that when you are faithful over what little you have, you'll get your chance to be faithful over a more? Well folks, tis true!

~~~~~

I pray that your new year will bring you more joy than you could ask for, more favor than you could imagine, more freedom than you could fathom, and more peace than you know what to do with. Live and be grateful for each blessing. Take nothing for granted. Be kind to those around you. Be available for the Lord to use you. And don't forget to smile, be happy!

I love you guys!!

(Favorite pic of the year. Check out the reflection in the piano! lol)

Majesty

Do you ever just sit and think about how our minds will never fully grasp the concept of God? I mean, we know and understand that He big and awesome and all that, but can we ever really comprehend His reach? I don't think so because its so beyond our experience and language. We can't even verbalize how great He is. He just IS!

Random abstract God thought...sorry

Haven't blogged in forever. I've been pretty busy with work and finishing up school. My new job. One word. Awesome. The money is alright for now. Can't beat the schedule. I don't have to sit in an office all day...or in one place for that matter. I get to work with kids that society has pretty much set up and declared a failure.

Kids who deal with mental disorders on top of dealing with the simple fact of being a kid= my heroes. I work with kids everyday, ages 5 and up who struggle with trying to be like everyone else. No one understands that they think different. No one gets why they can't seem to put a cap on their emotions. No one cares that feel isolated even when in a crowd. Everyone just wants them to sit down and blend in. Stop halting the progress of society. These children happen to be some of the smartest I've ever met. The strength that they have to even continue to try to succeed after what life has dealt them makes them honorable.

I encourage all you folks to get involved some kind of way to help our kids. There are so many who don't have any kind of positive figures in their lives. So many that have been tossed to the side and doped up on medications so they won't be a "disturbance." They need you. They need someone who isn't looking for anything in return. They need a mentor to take them out. Talk to them. Understand them. Pour into them the kinder things of life because when many of them go home, they experience the worst things life has to offer. Volunteer for the Boys and Girls Club. Local church mentoring programs. Big Brothers Big Sisters. DO something!

They are my heros, and I pray that I serve them well.

~~~

Current song thats pullin on my heart strings ♥

Both feet on the ground

I've got like 1 1/2 hours of down time and I just don't know what to do with myself. I never have down time. So why not think good thoughts...let's see. Oh yes, its coming upon the Thanksgiving season quite quickly so in such a spirit I am grateful for...

I'm grateful for peace and joy

I'm grateful for my somewhat new apartment (I've named her Serene) and my new job

I'm grateful for the amazing relationships God has formed in my life and also for those that He has kept even through fire

Thought of the day

Why do we commit good acts for the purpose of hoping others will see? What we do, we do not do for man, but we do for God. He is the rewarder.

A Prayer For Rest

I don't know about you, but over the past 5 years, I've been grinding like there is no tomorrow. I've flown through an undergraduate and graduate program, only to prepare to do it again. I've been working 50-60 hours per week, and on top of that I've been trying to keep up with having some sort of life outside of the mundane obligations of my academic centered life.

We all want to achieve some level of success in our lives. The definition of success of course is different depending on who you ask. Some people consider success as getting married and having children. Some people considered a number of degrees and a 6 figure salary success. Other consider being able to get up in the morning without dreading going to work success. And as born and bred Americans, we've been taught that you do what is necessary to reach that goal. Grind until you can't, then grind some more.

I wonder what would happen if we took ourselves less seriously. I wonder how our lives would change if we realized that the standards we have set for ourselves are strictly self imposed. Did God ever say that you must get your Ph.D.? Did God ever say that you need to own your own home by age 23? All He said was live holy and obey Him. We must have added that extra stuff somewhere along the lines, and now we spend the majority of our time living up to our own standards instead of those that are Gods.

I wonder what would happen if we learned how to sit down and rest.

Father
I pray that you would show your children how to rest
How to be able to step away from things, obligations, and people
And allow time for You to refill us
Revive us Lord
Teach us to set apart time to receive from You
Father You said that in our weakness You are strong
Your children are weary and weak
Stand up and be strong in us Lord
Fill us with Your spirit so we can fulfill what You've called us to do
And give us the wisdom to make the rest secondary to our own health and wellness
Help us to learn how to say no
Help us to learn how to discern if You are calling us to a thing
Our desire is to please You
Help us to realize that having degrees and money is not what pleases You
But it is attending to those You've called us to
Those in distress, the widows, and the orphans
Help us correctly order our priorities so we do not give into stress and frustration
We know that you've freed us from the pressures of this world
We no longer have to pay penance for our short comings to any man
Because Jesus, You are our justification
You have already freed us from the standards set by man
And You now hold us to a standard of love
We give You our worries and concerns
We give You those things that trouble our mind and our bodies
Take them away Lord, and revive us
Show us grace and mercy as we learn our new order of priorities
Be patient with us and don't remove from us Your grace
Because we know that it is by Your hand are we able to do anything

Amen

Soooo I got a new phone the other day, and I really really like it. One downside though. It turns out that many of my numbers weren't saved on the SIM in my old blackberry, soooo I lost a lot of numbers, which is cool. If we talk often enough for me to have your number, you'll call. If not...lol

Alright, so there is it. The Moto Charm. I was hesitant about getting another phone because #1. I loves me blackberry. and #2. I don't want a phone that will be a distraction. You know...like when you should be driving you're playing Guitar Hero or something. Well, I was right. This phone has way too many distractions, applications, games, whatever.

But hey, I'm a business woman now right? Full time gig. I set my own hours. I schedule my own clients. I need a grown up phone...with games, including Snake and NES Aladdin.

~~~~~~

Psalm 127:1

"Except the Lord build this house you labor in vain"

I love this scripture, mostly because it tells me that my independence is useless. Unless I allow the Lord to have free reign and make the decisions in my life, all of my accomplishments, earnings, and possessions are pointless. My work would have been in vain. My hours of studying and working. My efforts of patching up friendships and being less than honest to spare the feelings of others. All of my efforts that I thought were in my best interest and even in the interest of others...in vain.

So here I am trying to let to Lord have His way. I don't want to take the reigns. I don't want to have control. I don't want to be independent of Him. Because if I do, if I have, and if I am, everything I do is in vain.

Lord have your way, build this house

Undeserving

Sometimes I think too much about too little and get lost in thoughts that seems to drag on but never reach their conclusion.

~~~~~

I am undeserving of everything that I have
I have not earned a thing
Even on my best day, my righteousness is nothing
There isn't anything I've ever done to earn
His grace
His love
His forgiveness
His salvation
His life
His hand
His face
The moment God breathed life into my lifeless body
The moment God saved my unworthy soul
The moments God rescued me from self destruction
All of these things are gifts

Who am I to judge another? Who am I to tell someone else in anything but love that they are on the wrong path? No one. And who are you?

We have got to learn how to walk in love. Stop looking at people as if your thoughts and feelings toward them affect anything. We have to learn that instead of hurting one another with our words, our side glances, and our cold hearts, we have got to reach out in the love of Christ. This was God's gift to us. How selfish and cruel to hold it captive from another. Don't you know that this is why we are all here? Not to reach the status quo. Not to achieve our dreams. But to show the love of Christ even when it hurts. And most of the time it does hurt. It should. But this is our burden and our cross. Jesus took everything else.

Give the love of Christ to everyone you meet. It was given to you.

Colossians 2:1-3

The Contentment of Mediocrity

Just a super random thought:

It's so much easier to be content with where you are than to strive to go higher (financially, spiritually, emotionally, etc). I mean, there is so much risk is attempting to better yourself. You risk alienation from your peer group. You risk immersion into an environment with which you are unfamiliar. You risk loosing the status or foothold that you once occupied as a result of giving it up in an effort to move on to something else. Afterall, an old life will not always wait for you while you try out a new one. And of course you risk failing, and falling flat on your face which results in lots of things such as self rejection and public humiliation.

Maybe its just better to stay where you are. Don't risk it. Afterall, you're not starving. You're not that unhappy. You've got some sort of income. Why take a chance and jump if you're only likely to end up worse off than when you started?

What's my take?

I'd rather end up flat broke, depressed, and lonely at the bottom after falling on my face in attempt to climb to an unattainable plateau than to stay in a world full of contentment with mediocrity.

~~~~~~

In other news, vacation spotlight (I'm currently saving up for this one):

Palma Mallorca, Spain

Now I don't speak a lick of spanish. I mean, I probably know 10 words total, including numbers 1 through 5. But this is a vacation spot for many of my family members and all I've heard are good things. I think that sitting on the beach and looking into the dazzling clarity of unoccupied waters appeals to me. I've got God, my dear cousin (who is now a citizen of Spain), and some of the best beaches in the world.

Today I was sad

Today the skies looked pretty gray

I didn't see too much in the future

The past looked like it always has

The tears came and went, and came again

For no particular reason other than...

Well, other than it's Monday

Got my bills paid

Got my health

Got all my teeth

But today, for just a minute

My skies were really gray

It was like being at the bottom of a dark hole

And it's really warm and sunny up top

But my mind was so clouded that I couldn't reach that high

So I sat down in that hole and started to cry

Then I remembered something that He said

You can't enjoy the good if there's never any bad

You see I called you to stand

And folks won't be there all the time

So you have to learn to stand anyway

Even alone, even alone

Don't get discouraged because I've written the end

You're just travelin through

Your hand is in My hand

So keep up with the faith as you go from glory to glory

And don't forget to call on Me

Because I already know the end of this story

Keep travelin through

Keep holdin my hand

Today I was sad

But just for a minute

Because I remember what He said

And I remember all I've put in it

Today I was sad

But just for a minute

I'm over it now and better equipped for the race

But of course He already knew that

~anonymous

You Ever Felt Like that?

Isaiah 6: 5-8

5 "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."
6 Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7 With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."
8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

I love this. Simply put, Isaiah was telling God that I'm unclean. I'm undone. I'm not living up to the standards that You, God, have set for me and I need your help. Take a hot coal from the alter and wash me.

Are you willing to go through a bit of pain to move into a place in your life that's more pleasing to God? I am. I've actually been there (shoot, I might be there right now). And it's a good place to be. You're getting real with God by telling Him a truth that He already knows, and you're getting real with yourself.

What exactly makes this so amazing to me?

#1. Isaiah addressed the problem. He recognized that he was unclean and his folks was in the same boat.

#2. He saw a solution. He set his eyes on the Lord, the solution to his problem.

#3. Sacrifice for progress. He went through an uncomfortable situation (a hot coal on the alter placed on his lips) in order to receive a good old washin from the Lord.

#4. Purification and moving forward. Isaiah went through his struggle, hot coal and all, and moved right along and said "Lord, use me!!" He didn't dwell on his past mistakes. He didn't question if He was qualified. He was available.

Of course after years of studying Psychology I've got to break this down into steps of healing and breakthrough, but it's all so relevant. What is it in your life that could cause you to go through this process? Are you willing to suffer the consequence and sacrifice, that the Lord may bring you to a higher place? If so, that's a good place to be. Ready and willing to serve the Lord!!

Amen!

Anjelica

A Heart That Forgives Campaign!

Kevin Levar

One word...

Amazing

Kevin Levar debuted an amazing album featuring songs straight from the heart about love, unity, and forgiveness. He stands on the foundation that all of these things are possible through Christ. In one particular song on the album, Levar opens his heart to listeners in several minutes of vulnerability and transparency as he prays to the Lord to take away all unforgiveness, because he desires a heart like the Father. Here are a few of Levar's impacting lyrics;

I want a heart that forgives, that lives and let live
One that keeps loving over, and over again
One that men can't offend, because your word is within

One that loves without price like you Lord Jesus Christ

I want a heart that love everybody, even my enemies

Levar is launching A Heat That Forgives Campaign: One Million Acts of Forgiveness alongside the release of the single, A Heart That Forgives. The goals are to restore families, repair friendships, strengthen communities, and empower people, all through the love of Jesus Christ.

I was nearly speechless when I heard an interview with Levar, who was speaking about his upcoming campaign. It is what the world needs; to stop with the bitterness and holding grudges, and allow the Lord to purify us all of bitterness and unforgiveness. What a message of peace and love! What took so long to come out with such a campaign?!

Hop on board. Support Kevin Levar in through participation in the campaign, and by purchasing his amazing album, Let's Come Together.

http://www.aheartthatforgives.com/

Something I've picked up along the way

Someone cusses you out. Your friend creates vicious lies about you. A trusted confidante violates your trust. What is your response? Cuss them right back? Go off and give them a piece of your mind? End the relationship?

Well what I always thought was if someone did something wrong to me, that gave me every right to do it right back. They shouldn't have committed the violation in the first place right? Right. The violation should have never occurred. However, it did. Then what do you do?


Matthew 18:21,22
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven

Now 70 times 7 is 490. So basically Jesus says that we should forgive someone 490 times, but oh on the 491st time its on? Nope. He's saying simply forgive. Don't count how many times they've pissed you off the past. Forgive.

Personally, this is difficult for me because if you make me mad or offend me, I really want to let you know what the deal really is, and why your absence in my life would be advantageous for all applicable parties. But as my heart is becoming more like my Creator's, I can no longer be like that. I'm so learning how to forgive for real! Now don't get it twisted. That doesn't mean that I can easily be taken advantage of. I'm trying to incorporate wisdom into this as well. But its like this; you've messed up. You've betrayed my trust. However, I have release you from the punishment of being unforgiven because I want to be like Jesus. Not because I feel like releasing you, but because I have to in order to please God.

I'm pretty sure the Lord doesn't hold it against me everything time I tell Him I'll do something and don't follow through, or every time I make a mistake. When I come back to Him and say God I need this or that, God doesn't say "well, I don't know because you was real triflin with me yesterday." Because He loved me, He saved me. Because He loves me, He keeps me. Not because I've made no mistakes, but because He just loves me. And I want that type of love to reside in my heart. 1 Corinthians 13:5 says that real love keeps no record on wrongdoings. I've stopped keeping track.

A friend of mine thinks its crazy for me to be concerned about the affairs of someone who has crossed the line too many times, but I don't. If I don't help someone who has offended me because I don't believe they deserve or have earned my help, wouldn't the Lord hold me accountable for that? I believe that He would, and I'm not letting my emotions and stubbornness get in the way of my making to heaven. It isn't about being strong and standing up for yourself, and making the point that I'm not one to be messed with. It's about being like Jesus, and saying because I am a representative of the Father, I have to be available to His people as He wants me to be; a light, a vessel, and a symbol of His love.

Plus holding grudges takes so much energy. You're distracted when you're around that person because you replaying the hurtful situations and conversations in your mind. You can't seem to just forget about it, and that is because you haven't forgiven. We weren't created to walk around harboring bitterness and unforgiveness, regardless of the offense. And harboring those things in your heart will land you in hell right along with the liers and murderers. Jesus is coming back for a church without spot or wrinkle, and I'm guessing that unforgiveness is a big ugly spot to God.

Release those people against which you harbor unforgiveness. Not necessarily for that person, but so you can experience freedom to be available to love them as God loves you.

Here is a few helpful references:

Matthew 18:22
1 Corinthians 13:5
Ephesians 5:27
2 Chronicles 7:14
Jeremiah 31:34
Matthew 6:14

~A work in progress~ ♥

Sumn about San Francisco

You know what? I love to travel! You know what else? I love to travel to awesome cities. My after what has felt like non-stop traveling back and forth to random cities over the past 6 months I was very pleased to return to one of my favs....SAN FRANCISCO!

So I haven't posted any pics of my recent endeavors to the great (and not so great) cities of our country, so here is just a few!

Detroit in the bg

Chi-town!!

Chi town again!

Well a tough semester had just ended and I needed to get away somewhere, which is crazy cuz I been hoppin planes like someone is after me. But I got just what I needed. I got to see some family I haven't seen in a few years, spend some time with a beloved cousin, shop until my chucks bout gave out on me in the coolest thrift stores in the world, listen to live bands play on stoops in the city, watch the fog roll in from the bay, watch the sun set over the Pacific....basically, I loved every moment of it. I even loved that my flight to CA was cancelled. You see, when I got to the airport, they wonderful, personality-LESS lady at the desk informed me that my flight had been cancelled. Well lately I've been trying to not let the cares of this old world move me and wreck my mood. So I calmly asked that precious desk agent to find a solution, b/c I needed to get the CA. Well folks she did...FIRST CLASS!

OMG...now I know I'm somewhat of a country girl and I sure felt like it when I got escorted to my first class seat. (thats what they do in first class...they escort you). So when I sat down in my recliner the flight attendant not only asked me what I wanted to drink, but also if I wanted the chicken and cous cous, or pasta. Umm...well I don't know too much about airplane food so I chose the pasta. And guys, it was BOMB! OMG!! And I got free movies, food, drinks, blankets, pillows, basically anything I wanted the entire duration of the flight. It was heaven. Ohhhh it was heaven. I wasn't sitting right up on somebody, and wasn't nobody sitting right up on me! HEAVEN!

I got there to find a warm greeting from my cousin, my auntie and her british husband Keith. You know one of my favorite things is to walk through security at the airport after a long and tiring flight only to be greated with hugs and kissed from loved ones. I mean seriously, its kinda weird, but I LOVE it!

All in all folks, the Lord has given me a wonderful life. I never planned on doing so much traveling and meeting so many people at such a random time in my life. One minute I'm grinding, working 50+ hours a week and going to school. The next I'm hoppin flights and meeting some of the most wonderful people I've ever met. The cares and worries I was use to carrying melted away and God just opened my eyes to a fraction of what He means my life to be. I always prayed and waiting for the Lord to do something awesome, but it seems like He was moving soooo slooooowwww. But during that entire time that I was waiting for Him to shake some things up, He was teaching me how to handle it once He did.

I guess grateful would be the word.

Well I'm planning my next trip and guess where I'm goin...CHICAGO!! lol I LOVE that city. I think this will be my third or fourth trip this year. Can't wait! 5 days of seeking God, prayer, eating, worshipping, laughing, sharing with friends and family.

Thank you for the life You've given me. I wouldn't dare ask for a different one when You've made Yourself so majestic in this one.

I pray that you will find every bit of joy and peace that the Lord has for you. I pray that you specifically will find what it means to completely trust the Lord in everything. I pray that you will never allow yourself to be separated from the love of God.

~Sister in Christ~

5 Dolla Fine!

I was thinkin about What's Love Got To Do With It the other day, and how me and Whitney would always walk around sayin "5 dolla fine! 5 dolla fine!" I was walking the streets of my mind and determining what (to me) deserves a 5 dollar fine. So what does deserves a 5 dollar fine you ask?

Wearing socks with flip flops...5 DOLLAR FINE!

Leaving the chip bag open, creating stale chips...5 DOLLAR FINE!

Goin off on someone in Wal-mart parking lot...5 DOLLAR FINE

Goin off on someone in the church parking lot...10 DOLLAR FINE

Flight attendants serving drinks on a 20 minute flight...5 DOLLAR FINE!

Passive aggressive females...23 DOLLAR FINE!

Putting your three strands of hair in a ponytail...5 DOLLAR FINE!

Dishonesty and two-facedness...5 DOLLAR FINE + probation!!

Mismatching socks...5 DOLLAR FINE!

Dirty fingernails...5 DOLLAR FINE!

Holding grudges...5 DOLLAR FINE + a smh

Twitterbooking (using twitter lingo on facebook)...5 DOLLAR FINE!

Having a facebook page AND a grandchild...5 DOLLAR FINE!

A cursing female...5 DOLLAR FINE + looking tacky

A busted weave... 5 DOLLAR FINE + :/ + a "you know better"

Trying out for American Idol when you know you can't sing...5 DOLLAR FINE!

Driving your car with a donut tire...5 DOLLAR FINE!

Farting in an elevator...5 DOLLAR FINE!

Farting in an elevator with other people...5 DOLLAR FINE + a punch in the jugular

Pretending to be busy to avoid appearing like you have no life...5 DOLLAR FINE!

Arrive late for church and sitting in the 3rd row...45 DOLLAR FINE!

Wearing mini skirts to church...7 DOLLAR FINE!

Wearing mini skirts period...7 DOLLAR FINE!

Wearing mini skirts and you weigh over 200lbs...77 DOLLAR FINE!


Disclaimer: These weren't aimed at anyone in particular. In fact...I'm guilty of some of them (not the farting in the elevator one..thats gross). I just see these occurrences from time to time and it urks me to no end.


Part 2 coming soon...

Freedom is so sweet!

You know what I think the sweetest thing is about being a Christian? The freedom that you experience, even when your world is at its suckiest point.

I have been on a ride for the past like...idk..year? I struggled internally with a lot of issues which I could not seem to solve. How do you rid yourself of something that you've carried your entire life? How you do you forget the damage that was already done? How do you live like you never had a past?

John 8:36:

Therefore if the Son sets you free, you really will be free
or as we more commonly recognize it...
Whom the Son sets free is free indeed!


This has an awesome new meaning for me. I can honestly say that when you give the Lord your heart without restraints and conditions, He can change it in a way you never imagined. The Lord has taken my broken, deceitful, and jacked up heart and erased that thing that has been plaguing me since...well, forever. I don't know if this is a result of many months of seeking God and doing my best to be obedient. Or if it happened in an instant, independent of my growing relationship with Him. Either way, the Son has set me free. And now that I'm at this place I can say that I don't think I've ever been free. Free of peoples opinions, free of second guessing, free to live for God without apologizing. I have never been this okay with who I am. Maybe that's because I'm learning that I am a product of God and a reflection of the Son, and regardless of what anyone thinks, or even what I may think, I will always be a daughter of the King.


I'm only sharing with you for two reasons. #1. We overcome by the word of our testimonies. #2. I would love for you to be so encouraged that whatever plagues you can be removed in a instant. Whatever has you worried, intrudes your thoughts, and occupies that space in your heart that no one knows about but God. Whatever causes you to cry when no one is looking, or causes you to harden your heart to numb the emotion. God can take that away so that it was just a memory. The reason I know this is because He did it for me. Yea yea...people say stuff like this all the time. "I'm a witness. WON'T HE DO IT?!" lol But honestly folks, God has remade me. A weight has been lifted and I'm walking in the land of the free! My heart is healed. My mind is set free. My love for God is ever growing. My faith is at a new level. All because God has proven Himself to be God; faithful and righteous but merciful at the same time.

Give your all to Him and He will hear you and take away what you've been trying to get rid of for so long. Whether it be jealousy, envy, pride, hatred, rejection, self consciousness, WHATEVER. Drop your disguise with God, take your mind off of people and their opinions, get away by yourself, and open your heart. He will come in and do what you've been asking Him to do.


He is faithful!

Ode to D-Town

I took my first trip to Detroit last week-end, and I must say. I had a great time overall. I got to see much of my Chicago family and attend a wonderful prayer service at Pastor Marvin Winans church, Perfecting Faith.

FYI: I LOVE Marvin Winans. I just love that whole family! Do you think they'll adopt me at 22?

So anyway we arrive in Detroit Friday morning and get our rental car. We staying at the Westin in the middle of downtown Detroit. Check it out:

(The view from outside. The Westin Book Cadillac opened in 1924 and was at one point the tallest hotel in the country. This city has tons of history, and some beautiful architecture.)

(The bathroom was freakin amazing. It was like the size of my bedroom at home *sigh* It was so pretty, I could have slept in the tub.)

(I didn't want to go home. Why do some people complain about having to live out of hotels?)

When we were driving to the hotel we drove down what must have been "the spot" back in the day. There were amazing old school movie theaters with the lighted marquees and juke joint lookin restaurants that have unfortunately all closed down. What was once beautiful and lively was dead. The buildings were boarded up and the windows were broken. Brick walls were crumbling and signs featuring musical performances had fallen apart. It was like someone had deserted the city. There were very few people on the streets, and those that were looked like they didn't want to be there. The remnant citizens of Detroit must only hope to rebuild the city to its former glory...but baby, its got a long way to go.

On to the prayer service...

You know how old folks always say "we used to have all night prayer services or shut ins..." Well I wasn't sure if I actually interpreted as "all night prayer services" or fa real "shut ins." I mean, I've never been to either. Seriously, how can someone pray ALL night? Come one now. Well let me tell you, I am now a believer. lol This particular prayer services lasted only up until around midnight or 1am, but it gave me a glimpse of what one of these all night services must have been like. We sang, danced, prayed together, prayed apart, and shouted for hours. I learned about different levels of prayer (petition, intercession, warfare, etc.) I'm also quickly learning how prayer is one of our greatest weapons against the enemy.

For someone who once thought prayer was boring and only old people really did it, I've come a long way. God equipped us with a wonderful weapon in prayer with which we can call upon heaven to fight on our behalf. How foolish and naiive to take that thing for granted.

Anway Detroit was great, just not for the city. The people, the food, the prayer service...it was ALL the bomb. I think I'll plan another trip to motor city one of these good ol days when I have a little more time.

Let Yourself Go!

Caution: Personal blogging ahead!

I told you about my trip to Chicago. It was awesome. Have you further questions, refer to that blog.

Well anyway Godmommy told me something when I was there; "I hold back in worship." HUH?

So we were at church in Chicago and the spirit of God was so heavy. You could not possibly be in that place and not feel His very glory! Well I was in straight worship but I felt like there was a distance between me and Lord still. I don't understand why. I was worshipping. He had my attention...so I thought. Well apparently Pastor Kim caught that up in the spirit because she straight up called me out! "Anjelica! Get on outta there Anjelica. Come here." Yup, she called me to the front of the church. Later after we'd gotten home I asked what the deal was. Why would I have to come outta my row to the front of the church? The response was this: sometimes when you're trying to get to a greater level of worship you've got to remove any hindrances around you. That may require you to physically MOVE yourself and REMOVE some things.

One thing that Pastor Kim always says is "get your mind off of you." I know for me it can be difficult at times to completely let go in worship. Its not that I'm not focusing on God or anything, but I just don't wanna be the last person standing up not realizing that everyone else has moved on! lol *so embarrassing* One more than one occasion (four actually) different people, with no connect, have told me that the Lord wants to take me to another level of worship but fear is holding me back. I didn't quite understand this until very very recently. I'm working on getting my mind off of me.

This past Sunday at my home church was awesome. I feel like I've gotten one step closer in getting my mind off of me and more on the Lord. There were times in worship where I was crying and even wailing so hard that I think I almost threw up (lol...is that normal?). I couldn't help it. The Lord is so amazing, and in those moments all I could feel was His presence. I don't know what the people sitting to my left and my right were doing. I didn't care. I'm not even sure if I knew whether or not the church in general was still in worship. I didn't matter. In those few moments my mind was not on me; I was free.

Later on in the service the Lord led me to get out of my seat and pray, however it was awkward and I didn't want to cuz it was uncomfortable! UGH Well thank you Lord for an extra push because someone else walked up to me and told me to do exactly what the Lord had told me. Why I can't ever seem to listen when God tells me the first time I don't know! Pray fa me lol So I did just that. I got out of my seat and prayed. I let go of the fact that people would look at me funny. I let go of the fact that I didn't really want to and I thought I could just pray quite effectively from my seat. I let go of every hindering thought that exalted itself above what the Lord had said. I got my butt up, walked down to the alter, and prayed. I prayed for exactly what I heard to the Lord tell me to pray for....and something happened. I watched someone get free! I watched someone who carried a burden so heavy get a release. I don't know what that burden was. I don't care what it was...it doesn't matter to me. All I know is that the Lord used the agreement, obedience, and surrender of the saints to break a chain of bondage.

I praise God for that. I praise God for making me uncomfortable. I think the world would be a much better place if we all got this revelation: You do not matter in comparison to the will of God. Realize that unless you and me both obey what the Lord is saying, He will move us out of the way and make room for someone that will say "yes Lord." What I want, what I dream of, what makes me feel good, etc, does not matter unless it is the will of God.

My work in progress: Allow the Holy Spirit to have complete control. In worship, I won't think of anything else but the Lord, not even myself. In everyday life, obey the Lord, period. Who cares if people think you're crazy or they talk about you. Guess what? It doesn't matter. Those people don't have a heaven or hell to put you in. Be obedient to what the Lord is saying to you. Let yourself be led by the Lord.

~An endless work in progress~

♫I JUST WANT TO TOUCH YOUR HEART ♫

As we fall down before You
With our willing hearts, we seek
In the greatness of Your glory
It's so hard to even speak

There is nothing we can offer
No, nothing can repay
So we give You all our praises
And lift our voice to sing

We give You glory
Lifting up our hands and singing
Holy, You alone are worthy
We just want to touch Your heart, Lord
Touch Your heart♪

~Jeremy Camp

On my way to church today this song came on and I totally embarrassed myself for its duration. This song really freakin touched me today! OMG I was officially jammin SO HARD. Rockin and singin, lifting my hands and worshipping. YESSUH!! (lol) Folks were drivin past me or I was drivin past them and they looked at me like I was crazy....which I prolly am.

If you haven't heard this song you need to and just allow the words to penetrate your mind and heart. The Lord alone is worthy, and I just want to touch His heart with my worship, period. Don't care much about what folks drivin past me think. They can't touch His heart for me so...*singing* "Glory, liftin up my hands and singin holy, You alone are worthy....."

Who is this king of Glory?

Life up your head oh ye gates
And be ye lifted up you everlasting doors
That the King of glory may come in
Who is this King of glory?
The Lord of hosts
He is the King of Glory

Psalm 24


Well there is a lot of good things going on in my life right now. And all I can say is that I'm chalking it up to having the joy of the Lord; my strength (Nehemiah 8).

I am learning something that I wish I would have learned a long time ago, and something that some people never learn. I'm learning to be happy with Jesus. There is nothing I want more in this world than Jesus. I know that if I can just get to Him, my problems will be so small. If I can just get to Him my fears and hurts won't seem so devastating. If I can just immerse myself in thoughts of Him, my emotions won't matter, my opinions won't be so heavy, and my flesh won't be SUCH A FREAKIN ANNOYANCE! To be wrapped up in His presence. To hear Him speak. To know that no matter what happens moments from now, nothing can take away this peace and joy that the Lord has given me. Its taken me a good while to be able to say..."hey God, I know things are hard, but I love you fa real and I'm still gonna have a praise on my lips." And now that I've gotten to that point (for the most part), I don't struggle to praise much anymore. It's not a hard to get into His presence. Praying is actually enjoyable.

Problems are real. This flesh is real. However, our Father in Heaven, the King of Glory who founded the earth on the seas, has made His peace and joy available to us. Dive in. Take advantage of all the Lord is offering.

I pray that you live. I pray that whatever is plaguing your spirit will be a memory; a testimony of what the Lord has brought you through. I pray that you are able to drop your worries and fears about tomorrow, and allow God to take care of you today. I pray that those chains that were once wrapped around you, hindering you, holding you in place, are broken. I pray that you walk in the love and joy of Jesus Christ. After all, it is yours for the taking. ♥

~My life is no longer my own~

Le 4 de Juillet!!

I had the best 4th of July without BBQ ever.

I once thought that it was the ribs, bbq beans, and potato salad that made the 4th of July. It was the ruthless sun which caused blinding reflections off of cars passing by. It was the annoying crackle of the bad kids next door setting off fire crackers. It was the sun tea that grandma made that morning. It was the ice cream man that would drive by when the sun was beginning to set.

This year I didn't have any of that. No ribs, beans, and potato salad. No sun tea. (I did have however some bad kids next door setting of 'works and the ruthless sun).

This was my first 4th in Chicago...one of my favorite cities.

Courtney and I were just kidding about spending the 4th in Chicago to see a few friends of ours. Well our little joke turned into a reality. Next thing we knew, we were on a plane to Chicago, being picked up by a brother named Tim (who talked about absolutely everything on the way back, such as bears and cougars running loose in Chicago. huh???), and walking up the the drive to Pastor Niecy's (aka Godmom) home, which is where we'd be staying for the weekend.

We were aware that the Taste of Chicago was going on and it had crossed our minds that we may grace this annual festival with our presence for a short while. Well Pastor Niecy said it like this..."You are coming to spend the week-end with your Godmother, so go on and cancel all your little plans." In fact, she referred to it as the "salmonella ridden cesspool." Needless to say, we never made it to the taste (lol) which was okay by me. I couldn't have asked for a better week-end. We even changed our flights to leave at a later time so we could spend a little more time with our Chicago family.

I must say, I never thought I'd be kicking it at Pastor Niecy's crib. I was so nervous! simply because this woman is not fooled by facades and words. She is also honest beyond belief, to the point where you just never know what come out of her mouth. (lol) She also is one of the most loving and self-sacrificing people I have ever met. I love her to life!

So we spent the weekend with Godmommy, eating way too much food, going to church, eating more food, shopping, chilling at the house, being very aware of her pit bull's (Duke is his name) every move, and eating. We also met some pret-ty cool people, and got the chance to chill with the other Ray sisters (Ms. Tanya, Ms. Cheryl, and Pastor Kim) for a bit. My most memorable times were just sitting around in her den, eating (of course) and talking about whatever subject came up, and listening to different thoughts, ideas, and pure wisdom travel around the room from ear to ear. This was a week-end to remember.

I am grateful to God for enriching my life with such beautiful people, inside and out.

I ♥ Chicago....and can't wait to be back!

Dr. Crawford

Alright folks, the time has come again for the big decision. Around this time a little over a year ago I had found out that I'd been accepted into the Counseling Psychology PhD. program and I was ecstatic. NO ONE gets into a doctoral program right out of undergrad. This must be God. Well after much prayer I realized that I had jumped ahead of God. I have had the "opportunity" to witness people who have done just this. The field of Psychology is full of scientists, scholars, and researchers who are highly intelligent and have used their human abilities to climb their way up the ladder of academic and professional success. They may have severe money in the bank and a title, but joy is not one thing that appears to resonate in their lives. I've watched people for years who have put themselves in that very situation and I've decided I don't want that. So needless to say, I felt like the Lord was saying that I would be moving ahead of Him. 2 years later I am overjoyed that I didn't go. #1. Texas is not the place for me. #2. God said no. #3. Numbers 1 and 2 are enough.

In these past couple years I've learned so much about myself, my life, my future, and my God that I nearly cry at the thought that I would have missed out on such growth had I'd gone ahead and accepted the offer at Texas A&M. One of the many things I've learned is this: If you open your own door (which is possible, as intelligence and confidence can move one quite far in this world) you will have to sustain yourself in that position. However if you allow the Lord to lead you, He will sustain you in that place in which you've been placed. I NEVER want to open my door again. This has rang true even in terms of relationships. Forcing relationships just because you want them is a no go folks. Allow the Lord to connect you to those He wants you in relationship with.

I've also learned to let things ride. I cannot control this life and God doesn't need my help (thanks Pastor Niecy). When I've been offended I've learned to forgive and show grace. People are people, and they will always be people. It's only fair to allow others the grace to grow. When I have offended others I've learned to apologize and allow the Lord to work on the offendees heart, that he or she may forgive me. God is in control and I'm just coming to terms with this fact that has been and always will be. It ain't nothin new, I'm only just learning it.

Well here I am again. I'm about to have my Masters degree. I've studied, I've worked hard, I've been diligent to remove distraction in order to remain focused on my God given path, I haven't given into idleness. And now I feel ready to do it. I am ready to take that last educational step and enter into a PhD. program. Because I'll already have my Master's it will take around 3 years. I am READY!!

Where to go is now the question. Well, it's between Nashville, Chicago, or North Carolina. I'm looking for a Community Psychology program, which are few and far between so my choices are limited. However I have complete confidence in that the Lord will place me exactly where He wants me. I've just got to keep my ears open to His voice and my spirit open to His direction.

Disclaimer: I take no credit for any of this. I am officially and publicly giving the Lord the glory and credit for everything He has done for me, the doors that He has opened and the relationships He has formed.

P.S. SUPER EXCITED for the 4th of July week-end. Thank you Lord!

♥Grateful♥

Hurricane

I have built a city here

Half with pride and half with fear

Just wanted a safer place to hide

I don’t want to be safe tonight

I need You like a hurricane

Thunder crashing, wind and rain

To tear my walls down

I’m only Yours now

I need you like a burning flame

A wild fire untamed

To burn these walls down

I’m only Yours now I’m only Yours now

I don't know if you know who Jimmy Needham is. If you don't, I advise you do conduct a little investigation and find out. He has an amazing song called Hurricane and the lyrics are prayers from my own heart.

The song is basically inviting the Lord to tear down every wall that has been built around one's heart; to penetrate the very core. This is an invitation to God saying I know I've distanced myself from you. Be it through fear, a need for comfort and protection, rebellion. But whatever the reason, burn down these walls I've foolishly built up around my heart that have kept you out. Make me uncomfortable. Shake everything around me. "I'm only yours now."

SAFE!

It's so funny how we naturally want to put people in the place of our provider, our protection, our security. I guess it seems easier to do that. We can see people. We can touch people. We can have immediate responses from people. So it's natural that when we go through a crises, we immediately look to those that surround for guidance.

Proverbs 18:10The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.

The word of God lets us know that when we face trouble and instability, when we're doubting or just full of fear, we can run to Lord and will be safe. This is amazing because it doesn't say..."dependent of what you happen to be facing, you could be safe" or "The name of the Lord is a tower..." The Lord is a strong, and capable tower, and we can run to Him regardless of why we're running, and be safe.

How many people can give you that assurance? How many of your friends can you run to and no matter what the circumstances are, they can promise you safety, deliverance, security, and everything else that our Strong Tower houses? You got it...ZERO.

Psalm 23 (which we all know) tells us that the Lord will not only catch us, but He will lead us into the path of righteousness. Thankfully He doesn't stop there. He will then UPHOLD you there will a willing spirit (Psalm 51:12). Now how many folks you know will tell you to do the righteous thing 100% of the time? Again...ZERO. We don't know what the right thing is all the time. And in addition to that, we have attitudes, and if someone slaps you, chances are you won't get the advice to "turn the other cheek." Once the Lord gets us on the path of righteousness, He still doesn't leave us there, but He continues to work on us so that we will want to remain on that path of light.

Galatians 1:10 For am I now trying to win the favor of people or God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a slave of Christ.

So Paul was real nice the way he said that. In order words...stop running up behind people and learn to run up behind God. People cannot keep you. BTW, this isn't a bad thing. It just adds to the knowledge that God is sovereign and no one can compare.

I am so happy that my praise isn't due to people, because people can't keep me. But I will trust in the Lord, my safe place.

♥ Learning to trust ♥

2 Edged Sword

You know what's fascinating about the Holy Spirit? Well a lot of things. But for me, it's this: He is the perfect embodiment of the answer to everything you will ever need. The Holy Spirit will lead and guide you into all truth (John 16:13). The Holy Spirit will reveal things to you about others in order for you to pray and minister. The Holy Spirit will also most effectively shut. you. down.

I love when people try to act so very deep, like he/she is the Holy Spirit's best friend. I have come to learn to test people who walk around like that. The Holy Spirit is not here to make anyone look deep or more in tune with God than others. The Holy Spirit is a shield of truth. What I'm loving about my good friend the Holy Spirit is this; He does not spare my feelings. He can be a little harsh I know. He doesn't care that I'm uncomfortable or that I don't want to deal with a present issue. His desire is for me to be in the will of God, and when I don't know how to pray the will of God, He intercedes for me!

So many people think He is here to help point out the imperfections of others so that we can be "used" to correct them. I believe that the Holy Spirit is first and foremost interested in teaching us about ourselves;



What's wrong with my life?



What areas of my heart need purification?



I don't aim to ask Him about other people. Their business is not my own. I ask the Holy Spirit about me. And He is ready and willing to tell me. This, ladies and gentlemen is how you get closer to the Lord. When you think that you life is holy, you are righteous, your actions are driven by altruistic motives, take a step back from looking at your life through rose colored glasses. Ask the Holy Spirit, what is it that you need me to work on in order for me to reach the next level in the will of God for my life? I betchu He'll show you with the quickness.



Although it can hurt and most times it requires great sacrifice, I'm learning that it's worth it to say "yes" to God, rather than wait until you're only choice is to say "yes." Why wait until you have no other options?



Ask Him now to show you what is wrong, so that you can begin to work with Him in making it right.

Leave Me Standing Alone

Lizz Wright.

SO unheard of. So AMAZING!

There are artists I come across from time to time who really speak to me. Most of these artists are worship artists. Lizz Wright however is not. She wrights and sings about life. Check it out...

You wanna go back
I'd rather not
Gave you all I had
Gave you all I got to give
You had my time
Trusted my soul
But it'd be the same thing
Til I grow old
I wanna get higher
But you made me low
You made me wonder
Which was to go
It could've been good
Instead it was wrong
All I want from you
Is leave me standing alone


She continues to talk about how she had to find her own life and get free from the influence of others. Can the church say A-MEN?!

~~~

You know what I'm learning? All of our walks are different. My walk SHOULD look different than yours right? Seeing as how our destinies are not the same. You know what else I'm learning? To appreciate the walks of others. You NEVER know where someone has come from. You NEVER know what someone is going through. It's funny because we think that we can understand even our closest friends, but there are things within all of us that we can't even articulate. Pain. Disappointment. Grief. Heartache. All of these things cause one person's walk to look different than another. My experiences will cause my exhibited behavior to be different than yours. For example, I've never had an earthly father in my life. Thus, relationships, trust, and acceptance have dominated much of my thinking. In the past if you wanted to break me, take my relationships. They defined me. They told me who I was. If I had secure friendships, I was secure. If my friendships were shaky, I was shaky. No more. I still love my relationships. I am one who thinks you can never show too much love. However, inevitably, most relationships will fail. People grow and change. Relationships fade. I love my life these days because when relationships fizzle, I don't. I am still aware of who I have been made to be and who I am working on becoming. I honor those who understand even though our journeys are different, they are both to be respected.

This takes me back to Lizz Wright. She wrote about how she wanted only one thing from some of the people in her life, and that was to be left alone. If you can't understand the choices I've made, if you're not willing to pray my strength and help me stand, if you look down your nose and judge, if you call my desire to go higher self righteousness, if you call my resistance to being average pride, leave me standing here all by myself.

~~~

I am just a servant of the Lord. Lord cleanse me of pride, self righteousness, and an unwilling spirit. We are all called..correction, the body of Christ has been called to love those who even hate you. Help those who can't help themselves. Give to those who are too prideful to ask for what you offer from your hands. Pray for those who are too good to say hello. No matter how successful I ever become, no matter how tired I am of walking a lonely walk, I will always be a servant. I will work to be empty of my own desires, and to be filled with the desires of my father. I will always smile at you. I will extend my hand. I will extend my heart. And I will forever need the forgiveness and grace of God to cover and cleanse me of my unrighteousness. I am just a servant, dedicated to put aside my feelings for the purpose of the Lord.

So today, because I am not defined by anyone other than my creator, if you don't understand my choice to take up a servant's walk, I guess it'd be okay if you let me stand right here, by myself.

~~~

Side note: Why folks gotta act nice, dress appropriately, and put on holiness cuz it's Sunday and they just got outta church? Have you forgotten that there are six other days in the week. I'm just sayin....

I'm at work...waiting for the last client to leave *yawn* and I'm feigning for a Sonic BLT. mmmm *yawn* Well this blog is about nothing, just so you know.

I started my day with a smile on my face. I mean after all, it was a day the Lord made, so shouldn't I be glad about that? I was. I finished a shirt I've been working on (I'll put up some pics of my recent creations soon), tried on a new skirt (thanks Cece's Closet) and headed out. I went to NES (the electric co.) because I needed to get my electricity turned on in my new apartment. Oh yea, I have a new apt folks. I'm thrilled. I LOVE it. It's yellow and pretty...and huge. So I'm down at NES and look around...if you wanna see some scary people and rude "customer service agents", apparently you can just stop by that place and have a seat. I was waiting for the lady to call me so she could have a copy of my license. I was sitting across from a lady who was YELLING at another lady.

"AREN'T YOU RUTH ANN'S GRANDMOTHER. YOU REMEMBER ME? I'M WILLIE JEAN'S NIECE, SARA'S SISTER?"

The woman replied "CAN'T HEAR YOU."

And so lady number one (Yup, Willie Jean's niece and Sara's sister) thought it necessary to talk louder.

Behind the RUDE YELLING LADY sat two men who were talking equally as loud in a language I couldn't identify. Next to them was a lady who was bent on giving NES a piece of her mind.

"My bill was 392 dollars and 87 cents. I bet I ain't payin it. Who is this callin me? Don't they know I'm busy. Who is these numbers callin me?!"

The lady continued on her pointless rant about how her bill was 392.87 and some unidentified caller just had to talk to her. Apparently that caller had no idea who he or she was calling, otherwise, he or she may have wanted to try a new form of communication. So anyway this lady then randomly asks a guy sitting nearby what his name was.

"Anthony" he replied.

"Ohhh I HATE Anthony's. They don't bring nothing but bad news."

$392.87 lady went on to tell the ENTIRE building about how she has had horrible experiences with Anthony's and Walters, and how she hates all of them. At this point I wanted to tell Sara's sister to shut the front door. I wanted to tell Anthony to stop entertaining $392.87 over here. And I wanted to tell $392.87 to stop using the f-word 10 times in each sentence, sit back, and figure out how she's gonna [pay that bill so she can see at night. You know what I did? I pulled out my bible and read a Proverb that I've never read before.

Proverb 2 is about wisdom. Check it out when you can. It tells us that we should seek understanding like silver.

A few of my fav verses:

Proverbs 2:6-10

For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He stores up success for the upright; He is a shield for those who live with integrity so that He may guard the paths of justice and protect the way of His loyal followers.

A few more of my favs

Proverbs 2:20, 21

So follow the way of good people, and keep to the paths of the righteous. For the upright will inhabit the land, and those of integrity will remain in it

Won't the Lord put you in some situations that REQUIRE you to pull out your weapon?

No One's Looking

May 15, 2010

Lord, create in me a clean heart
Renew within me a right spirit
My desire is not for things or adoration, popularity even. Lord my desire is to stand up right before you. Daddy, I want to make You proud. I have found that in following You, I cannot follow others. I cannot aim to please people. Help the focus of my heart be to please You. Let my heart not be offended Lord, but help me to see every moment as preparation for moments to come. I know that all things work together to them that love You and are called to Your purpose. Holy Spirit, remind me of these words the next time my course seems too hard; it is all working for the good, for the glory of God. Be it unto me Father, Your will.
I realize that Christ is the only difference between any of us. We are all unworthy, our righteousness as of filthy rags, except there is you. You have stood in our place, giving us opportunity to come before You, in search of forgiveness and purpose. You stood in our place as love itself, and I thank you.
Take up permanent residence in my heart. Permeate my every thought, so that I do nothing without thinking of you first. Strengthen my witness. Decrease every part of me so I can be a living sacrifice; completely available to your purpose for me. Remind of Your goodness every morning, and your mercy every night.
Do not forget your servant Father. Answer my prayer for a heart that desires to bless others. Give me the words to say. Give me the seed to sow. And give me ears to receive what You have said. Create in me Your heart. A desire to pray, to honour and to bless...even when no one is looking. Matthew 6:5-7

♥ Empty ♥

Mercy

And who are we to judge? Who are we to decide whether or not a person is worthy of our forgiveness? Who are we?

The prophet Isaiah said it best:

All of us have become like one who is unclean
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags
we all shrivel up like a leaf
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.


We may see ourselves as great people; holy, righteous, loving, educated, whatever. We have to remember however that no matter how great we think we are, our greatest acts and endeavors are like "filthy rags." There is good news to tack onto this however. Our Father in Heaven knows this about us. He knows those secret places in our hearts that house envy, self righteousness, jealousy, hatred, greed, etc. And even knowing all of this about us, He still chooses to offer his love and mercy. Isn't it funny then how we can know a few simple undesirable characteristics about another and throw them to the curb? What about the mercy that was shown to us? Should we not extend that to others?

I am not saying mingle and dwell among them folks that we know ain't about nothin, nor am I saying that we should hang out with people who are simply not beneficial to our walk with the Lord and encouraging our spiritual growth. But even when we decide to separate ourselves in the natural (because the Lord has separated us in the spirit), we have to extend the greatest mercy to those from which we've separated. We have got to pray for them. We have got to offer them our love, mercy, and forgiveness.

Are we so rigtheous that we can decide who is worthy of our mercy and forgiveness? The answer is simple: No, we are not (Isaiah 64).

Something to be thankful for

Jude 1:24,25

Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,
To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.


How amazing is the Lord that I serve. So many people think that it is unecessary to give audible and visible praise. Well God is an audible and visible God. Why not praise? Why not worship? Why not give everything that is in me to give?

~I serve Him because I love Him, that's all

Umm...I just love Him

When I was not seeking a change

You changed my world to capture my heart

When I was not concerned with your will

You broke me of my own....

~These are just a few words that I had swirling around in my head.

I just got back from an AMAZING time in Chicago. We had a great time. Along with our time with Pastor Niecy, I got to meet and chat with Kimberly Ray (LOVE HER!!), pray and sing and chill with Tanya Ray (LOVE HER!!), and meet, greet, and eat with several other amazing people.

(Tanya Ray)

We arrived in Chicago Friday morning and at once began to act a fool (Courtney and I that is).

(Pastor Niecy)

We were kind of nervous about meeting up with Pastor Niecy again because the last time we spent time with her, well...let's just say she brought a lot of things to light which forced both of us to focus on pressing for a deeper relationship with God. Well, this time was no different. Folks, Pastor Niecy gave us the BUSINESS! LOL She is so loving and kind, but in a brutally honest kind of way. She explained it to me like this: she will not

spare my feelings because she doesn't want to see me being held back by anything, so if it means a feeling here or there is hurt, or I'm out of my pretty little comfort zone, so be it. All I can say is I love her. On our last day there we were eating at this place called Leona's (Praise God for CHICAGO ITALIAN FOOD) I asked her when it was that she began to really live for Christ. She said she was 16. She also said she wishes that she hadn't wasted so much time (as if age 16 wasn't super young to be sold out for Christ). Then she just began to talk about her love for God and the tough Pastor Niecy literally started to cry talking about how much she loved God. I will never forget that moment...ever. I love my G.M. Pastor Niecy!

The last dinner was kind of funny. So in case you didn't know...I LOVE Whitney Houston. I'm sitting at this table across from people who believe in a 100% holy lifestyle and a Whitney Houston video comes on. And not just ANY video, but How Will I Know. Automatically, I start to do a little jig. Not on purpose, its just my natural reaction to Whitney Houston. lol And this small action of mine began one of the most interesting conversations of my life.

Sitting with from Pastor Niecy and three three other members of her church, I pose the question; "Y'all don't listen to secular music?" The question was later expanded to going to movies, watching tv for entertainment, etc. I'm probably gonna write a whole blog just on this conversation, but in short, Pastor Niecy explained it like this; it's not a sin or anything to go to movies and all of that, but if she sees something as being unproductive in terms of building up the kingdom of God, it's pointless. I understood her point of view. I personally enjoy going to the movies and certain secular artists, however I do understand that our purpose is not to be entertained, but to dedicate our lives to the cause of Christ; to be living sacrifices.

In December of 2008 I made the decision to cut out music that is blatantly against what I know the Lord represents. Although I had a secret love for Lil Wayne and Drake, I've had to cut them out, and it's not because I don't think they're not talented. They both have a peculiar way of expression, however, they do not represent God in any way, shape or form. So the ladies with whom I was eating had that same mindset, only it expanded to a more broad spectrum of entertainment. They did say that they watch some t.v., movies, etc., however not a lot because they are so submerged in their lives with God that they simply don't have that kind of time to waste.

(Pastor Kimberly Ray)

I really needed this trip. Before I left, I knew that I was more on fire for God then I had ever been. Now, a few days later, you know what? I am more on fire for God then I have ever been! LOL Every comfort, every material thing, even every relationship is nothing compared to the comfort, love, and compassion that my Father has given me. I live to make Him happy. I live to be available to Him. Every morning I wake up and I want to be closer to God than I was the day before. I want to hear Him more clearly. I want a greater level of faith. I believe I said this in an earlier blog, but this year I want that "walk on water" type of faith. No joke; "unmovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord" (1 Corinthians 15:58).

Alright, so I'm still working on me. Who knew with they signed up for this Christian walk that it would take so much trial, error, tears, late nights, brokenness, periods of isolation, etc. I sure didn't know. But now that I know how steep the requirements can be, I'm also aware of how worth it He is. I am full of faults and inconsistencies...FULL. However everyday I'm learning that the God who grants me grace each day is willing to work on me if I am willing to work with Him.

I was talking with a friend the other day, just trying to encourage her about a mistake that she had made and was still feeling guilty and condemned 3 years later. In encouraging her, I encouraged myself. I was telling her that nothing we do can surprise God. He knows every unclean thing that resides in our hearts. He knows what we've managed to hide from everyone else. And in knowing all of that, He still chooses to make available His grace and forgiveness, if only we'd ask Him and decide to walk in His light (1 John 1:7). I realized something in that conversation, and that is every feeling of guilt, failure, etc. can be washed away with a deeper revelation of His grace. The Lord delights in forgiving us, but we first must come to Him, ready and willing to receive it.

I just wanna make you happy/I just wanna make you smile/I just wanna make you proud that I'm your child

~My Father's child

Rockin!!

Hey peoples.

Today is the BEST day ever. No wait...yesterday was the BEST day ever! NO wait....it seems that all my days these days are the BEST most ROCKINEST days ever. I can honestly say that these past few weeks have been amazing. Why you ask? Well there is a number of things:


#1. I'm learning what it means to surrender

-It is so hard for me sometimes to surrender the things I carry to God because well, I like to be independent and think that "hey, I'm strong. I can handle it." No ma'am. I will only
rejoice in my weakness, because that is when my God flexes His muscles for me!

#2. My relationships are wonderful
-I'm learning that power that good and not so good relationships have. I am learning that you should pour into the lives of those you are in relationship with, as well as be poured in to. In the past few months I have made some WONDERFUL new relationships and changed some old ones. I believe that I can truly say that my people (the ones I see often, and even
the ones I don't see so much) are the greatest people.

#3. I'm learning the value of communication
-The other day I had a little discussion with a friend about what makes relationships work. We came up with you things: keeping the Lord at the center, and communicating.

#4. Spiritual Rejuvenation
-I know that when you read my blogs you must be like..."this girl is ALWAYS being 'spiritually rejuvenated'." Well....you're right. I am not content with being in the same spiritual place every day. I'm not content with being comfortable. For a while I just wanted the Lord to change my life...make me uncomfortable. umm...He did it. He shook some things up, turned some things around, and moved the ground on which I stood and thought was solid. So for a minute there I was like..."ummm hold up Jesus. I didn't know you was gon do all this!" After that short period of hesitation I'm just like..."Lord do what you gotta do! I don't want to be the same ever. Move me. Change me. Make me a better vessel to carry your glory." *It's amazing how your attitude changes with other stuff stopsmattering and your focus in completely on how can you give God glory every day.

Current events: I'm going to Chicago this week-end. I am very excited. I haven't been to Chicago in a really long time. I'm going to visit the Ray Sisters and attend a couple of their service. (I'll add a vid of two of them on here later on today...youtube doesn't work at my current location). I'm also very excited to eat eat eat!!! ALSO I plan to start guitar lessons really soon. I can pick my way through a song, but its about time to get some theory and technique down. AND I'm on the prowl for a new humble abode. I think I've found it! Ladies and gentlemen, it was yellow, with light blue shutters and a white picketed patio. I LOVE it!!! It's so bright and sunny. AND (lol) I'm making a scrapbook for a friend. So in case you didn't know, I don't think I'm the best at scrap booking, but I'm super excited to do it! I hope it turns out well. Ok...one more thing. I'm making a skirt for Courtney. I'm praying it turns out right! LOL It's harder than I thought it would be, but I think it should work. Let's just pray it fits her! I'll put a pic up as soon as I'm done.

Word of the day: Love

We as Saints of God are always looking for opportunities to minister. Minister in song, dance, public speaking. You know what I believe is the most effective ministry? Loving other people. That means speaking to people you may not necessarily want to speak to. Being available to serve others. Praying for those that are close to you and not so close to you. Just loving others because this is the ministry that God has given each of us.





In the Love of Christ,



Anjelica